


Counting Stars With You

by Hanabiie



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Adulting is hard, College, Dreamcatcher, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Minji - Freeform, Unrequited Love, jiu - Freeform, kpop, singji, siyeon - Freeform, uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 06:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17482634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanabiie/pseuds/Hanabiie
Summary: Lately, Minji has been losing sleep. Avoiding caffeine doesn't help, neither does packing her day with full of activities, trying to wear herself out helps......





	Counting Stars With You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, a very long one-shot ahead, please do not read this if you're sleepy.  
> (I just wanna experiment if there's anyone who can finish this in one sitting, lols)

 

 

Lately, Minji has been losing sleep. Avoiding caffeine doesn't help, neither does packing her day with full of activities, trying to wear herself out helps. As the time on the clock inches closer to bedtime, she would still have her eyes wide open and random thoughts floating across her head. Countless nights of toss and turn have rendered her helpless.

 

So, instead of forcing herself to sleep, Minji has come up with another way to cope with it.

 

Every night, she would lay by herself on the bed and bury her body close to the wall as she counts the glistening stars in the dark sky through the glass windows (Minji is actually grateful that her college sits in the outskirt of the city and that the stars are more visible here without the city lights).

 

_One, two, three, four, five..._

 

Minji would usually start counting like this, as if she is counting down to her sleep. She can't remember exactly how many counts she would usually reach before falling into a deep slumber. What she does remember however, is that even when she was counting towards the hundredth star (which was very, very rare), the bed on the other side of the room would still be empty.

 

Then, somewhere around two or three in the morning, Minji would hear the sound of the jingling keys outside which sometimes cause an alarm to go off in her half-conscious state, thinking that a burglar is trying to break into the room (not as if they have any valuables for them to steal anyway). She must have read too much crime novels.

 

The door unlocks, heavy footsteps shuffle across the small room and after what feels like long minutes, silence is restored again. Minji didn't want to wake up but she did anyway. And she always loathes how much of a light sleeper she has always been.

 

When the next morning arrives, before the alarm is even set to go off, Minji would wake up to a throbbing headache that wouldn't disperse for a long time. The temperature in the room seems to have dropped overnight because as the cold air hit onto her bare stomach, she shivers. Peering over at the tainted windows with half-lidded eyes, she realises that it is drizzling - a perfect weather for sleep.

 

Barely awake, Minji wraps herself with the warmth in the thick blanket as she drags her body lazily across to the other side of the room where the motionless body is sleeping at.

 

"Siyeon, we need to get up now," her morning voice cracks a little.

 

The sleeping girl remains unmoved and Minji frowns, trying to wake her up for the second time by shaking her, "If you don't get up now, we will be late."

 

"Mmm," Siyeon groans and rolls over onto her side, with her eyes still shut, a deep crease appears between her brows, obviously displeased that her well needed sleep is disturbed. "A little while more. Just let me sleep a little while more okay? I promise I'll get up after that."

 

"But-,"

 

"Please, I came back really late last night."

 

Minji didn't think that Siyeon would come across as a persuasive person but every time she says something, somehow, Minji would find the determination that she has built up crumbles down so effortlessly. And she always wonders how the girl manages to do it.

 

Letting out a long yawn, Minji plops herself back onto the bed. The little clock that stands by her bed reads a quarter after seven, which means that she can still get a few more minutes of sleep before the alarm would ring.  _Just a little while won't hurt._

 

Readjusting her position against the bed sheets, Minji closes her eyes and is instantly reminded of the sleep that she has been losing due to her insomnia. Fatigue catches up onto her quickly and when the light snores and the sound of the rain hitting onto the windows engulf her ears at a steady rhythm, she realises how easy it will be for her to just drift back to sleep.

 

No alarms, no classes, no worries.

 

Forget about everything and just sleep.

 

And Minji always regrets (although Siyeon doesn't seem to care) because they always end up having to sneak into the lecture hall during the late hours and trouble their classmates by borrowing their notes while dealing with their interrogating gazes.

 

But because it's Siyeon.

 

Despite her unwillingness, the next day, Minji will still let the same thing happen all over again. And every time it happens, she would remind the other girl that it would be the last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is barely midnight when a loud bang on the door startles Minji. Thinking that someone has knocked onto the door by accident, she returns her focus onto her book. Because people have always told her that college life is going to be a little wild and that she will meet all kinds of people here.

 

She can't agree with it more.

 

Cheers and loud music often pollute the chaotic environment that won't die down till the wee hours, sometimes till near dawn. There are certain dorm rules to abide by but despite numerous warnings by the resident assistant, everyone seems to turn a blind eye to them. The corridor would still be reek of smoke and alcohol and faces that she has never seen before. It doesn't help that the walls aren't sound-proof.

 

Truthfully speaking, Minji never likes going to those parties even after her classmates have tried to persuade her to loosen up without success. She also never understands why people seems to find comfort in them, as if they are hanging onto the loose thread of the end of their youth, never want to carry responsibilities, never want to grow up.

 

"Why did you bring me back? I still want to drink."

 

The ruckus outside soon grows louder until it is hard to ignore.

 

" _Ah_ , lose some weight. You're really, really heavy."

 

Without warning, the door suddenly bursts open, leaving Minji in dismay as she watches her disoriented-looking roommate comes into her sight with staggering steps, and there is someone else with her, she doesn't know who but her arms are hanging around the stranger's shoulders. They seem  _close_.

 

"What happened?" Minji rushes over, the concern letting itself out of her mouth, carefully gesturing the stranger towards Siyeon's bed, and she momentarily neglects the fact that she can't rely on the blooming red on his face to tell her stories.

 

"I saw her alone," he points at the drunk girl who is knocked out, hiccupping a little and Minji worries if he is going to throw up anytime. She doesn't want to spend the rest of the night cleaning up vomits. "I-I already told her not to drink too much bu-but she wouldn't listen."

 

As much as they are different, Minji knows for a fact that like herself, Siyeon doesn't like to party much too. Maybe it's something about the lighting, the ambience, or the idea of losing oneself in the intoxication where the uneasiness spreads. The latter still went anyway when her friends insisted for her to join in the fun. But none of them have ended up like this night - face stained with dried tears and traces of smudged make-up running down her cheeks.

 

Minji knows with certainty that this will be a rough night for her.

 

"Thanks for bringing her back. I will take it over from here now," Minji says as she unknowingly creates a distance between them, suddenly wary of the way his eyes are narrowing down onto hers. It is making her really uncomfortable.

 

"Right," he breaks out of his trance. "I-I got to go."

 

As Minji walks the stranger out of the room with a pair of concerned eyes, unsure if he will be able to make it back to his room safely, she doesn't forget to mutter another quick 'thank you', even though it isn't even her responsibility to do so.

 

Strolling back into the room, Minji sighs and shakes her head at the piece of mess that has just intruded into her peaceful night. The familiar stench of alcohol reaches her nose and she has to admit that the smell is pretty sickening.

 

"Lee Siyeon, why are you always giving me so much trouble?" Minji grumbles.

 

Nevertheless, she diligently removes Siyeon's shoes and socks (she is pleasantly surprised when the mini Captain America print appears in her sight), followed by her outer wear. She decides to leave her clothes alone as she doesn't want to be accused of taking advantage of the girl while she is drunk.

 

Besides, she doesn't think that they are close enough to see each other naked.

 

Grabbing a small towel, Minji wets it with warm water and wipes it over Siyeon's neck and arms, making sure that every inch of the area is covered. At least that's how a drunk person is supposed to be taken care of in dramas.

 

"You know, I'm really, really sad," Siyeon is suddenly awake, with the built-up tears that is threatening to fall if nobody gives her the attention that she needs.

 

"And why is that so?" Minji probes hesitantly and purses her lips, feeling a little nervous with continuing the conversation.

 

"I don't know either," Siyeon's hand moves to clutch the left side of her chest and the sight of her lips drooping downwards, resembling totally like a child who has lost her candy, makes Minji's heart wrenches. "Here, my heart, it hurts," She didn't think that she would live long enough to see the girl reduced to such a state because she's always so happy, smiling and laughing every time she sees her.

 

Minji opens her mouth, wanting to say something but the unsaid thoughts are left hanging at the tip of her tongue. Instead, she turns away from the girl and heads back to the kitchen, focusing on getting the piece of towel washed. Sometimes, silence is gold. Maybe it will be better for her to not say anything.

 

Because it's never her greatest virtue when it comes to comforting people. There's no particular reason - she is just bad at it - not good at telling people what they want to hear, not good at deriving at the right choice of tone, basically just not good with words. Or dealing with emotions.

 

When Minji returns to tuck the girl into the blanket, the midnight silence only grows, except for the heavy breathing and busy set of footsteps that is shuffling across the room. But now all of that have to make way for the muffled sobs that Siyeon is trying to hold back.

 

"Sleep with me?"

 

"What? No!" Minji rejects with a face of disgust, thinking about how she has been used to having the whole bed to herself all these years, and how uncomfortable it will be to have to accommodate another human being into her space. That isn't even the main point. Why would she want to sleep with her in the first place?

 

"Please."

 

"I said no."

 

A hand now grasps onto her wrist, "Just for tonight. I really need someone."

 

"But you really smell," Minji insists with extra cautious as she tries to brush off the swinging palm but Siyeon's strength is as strong as her stubbornness. She doesn't want to become the second culprit in breaking the fragile heart.

 

But her concern arrives a tad too late when Siyeon's expression changes and the sobs let themselves go. Instantly, Minji is met with a teary face that she knows her soft heart won't be able to look away from. "Am I that detestable? Why is everyone so eager to leave me?"

 

"Of course not," Minji panics. "I didn't mean that."

 

"Then just  _fucking_ shut up and lay down beside me, won't you? Which part of 'sleep with me' do you not understand?"

 

"I-,"

 

Minji isn't allowed another word when she is hastily pulled, causing her to lose her balance and collide onto the bed. Letting out a deep sigh, she let her shoulders drop in defeat as she turns into a more comfortable position with her back facing the girl. She figures that there's no point in fighting a heartbroken.

 

Slender arms come wrapping around her waist with Siyeon's head resting on her back. The girl is pressing so hard onto her that she is afraid that she will create a dent. But Minji doesn't dare to move. Even as the warm moisture has seeped through the fabric onto her skin, she let her.

 

Ironically, much to Minji's delight, sleep comes easy this time round.

 

But she's still wondering what has exactly happened and who made Siyeon teared. She takes these questions into her dreamland.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The morning sun peers its way through the curtain into the dimly-lit room.

 

Minji has slept well, waking up only when the alarm sounded. She also had a warm shower and an egg sandwich that she had bought from the seven-eleven store yesterday for breakfast. It has been a serene morning, a rare and great start of the day. Until Siyeon begins stirring in her sleep and before Minji can make an escape, the girl is already up, eyes squinting through the morning brightness, trying to make sense of the new world.

 

"Urg, my head hurts."

 

The brown and silky long hair is all over the place, tousled, and melts down right onto the greasy face. A little messy but she still looks like a baby. But  _oh_ , if only anyone ever known the troublemaker that is hidden beneath the facade.

 

"You were really drunk last night. Your friend, or whoever it was, brought you back."

 

"Did he?" Siyeon grouches, gently sweeping aside the hair that is covering her face as she clutches onto one side of her head. "Why can't I remember anything?"

 

"Serve you right. That teaches you not to drink beyond your capability," Minji reprimands.

 

Hastened footsteps fill the early morning as Minji makes Siyeon a cup of warm ginger tea (it was a great solution for her indigestion but she isn't so sure if it will be the same for hangover) and hands it over to her. She doesn't forget to remind the girl to be careful.

 

"If your head still hurts,  _idiot_ , there's some painkiller in the second drawer of my cabinet. Just take it yourself."

 

Minji keeps an eye onto Siyeon to make sure that the girl does at least drink a mouthful of the ginger tea before heading to the door. The memory of last night's continues to linger in Minji's mind. There are many questions in her head that she wants to ask but decides not to when she sees the time on the clock.

 

Those things can wait.

 

"Wait, where are you going?"

 

"To class?" Minji states nonchalantly, tossing off the sandals on her feet when she suddenly recalls that there will be a laboratory lesson today. She hurries off to pick up a pair of socks from her wardrobe.

 

"And you're not intending to wake me up?" There's a slight delay in Siyeon's reaction which Minji figures is caused by the hangover.

 

"You seem to be a bad condition so I thought that I'll let you sleep in."

 

"Oh."

 

Minji sits down on the step as a frown appears on her face, fingers fiddling with the shoe laces that have mysteriously untied themselves. And she momentarily notices the growing concern in the longing pause. "Don't worry," she reassures the girl even though it might not be the source of concern at all. "I'll tell the lecturer that you're calling in sick today."

 

"Would it be too troublesome for you?"

 

Minji looks up with a raised brow, full of surprise at the question but is even surprised when she catches a hint of guilt on Siyeon's face. That is so out of the ordinary.

 

"Nothing is too troublesome after last night," Minji doesn't mean to come off as sarcastic but those words seem to roll of her tongue that way.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry," a huge realisation seems to have struck Siyeon as she apologises, with an expression wreathed with a sheepish grin. She scratches her head in embarrassment. "Come to think of it, I must have caused a really big mess."

 

"Relax, it's nothing too big to be worried about. But if you're sorry, maybe you can treat me to lunch later?" Minji suggests.

 

"Dinner will be better."

 

The corner of her lips lift upwards when a smile finally turns up on Siyeon's face like a ray of sunshine. It slowly spreads into a chuckle, a silly one and Minji finds herself falling into a frenzy of worries when she actually finds the sight adorable. She laughs it off. What a weird feeling!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji doesn't ask but she learns from the stranger last night (he sort of mentions that his name is... Hyunsik?) that he is Siyeon's high school friend, and that she has broken up with her long-term girlfriend of three years, who's also in the same clique as them, when he offers to sit beside her in the lecture hall. She hasn't got the chance to inquire further when the lecturer enters. But she's still caught in a daze.

 

Because she never knew that Siyeon had a girlfriend in the first place. And she also never knew that Siyeon is  _into girls_.

 

Later that evening, when the full day of lessons have ended, Minji returns to their shared room to find Siyeon in the kitchen with her back facing her. The pink apron that she has brought from home to decorate the tiny cooking area is now tied around her waist. It is an entertaining sight.

 

"Oh, you're back."

 

Minji nods, holding back on a giggle, "Yeah."

 

"How's lessons today?"

 

"Well, I'm sure you know the answer better than I do," Minji places her canvas bag down onto the bed, seemingly amused by the question. Then again, her life has been pleasured with all sorts of amusement after Siyeon recklessly barges into it. And it isn't even necessarily a bad thing.

 

"I had to ask, you know, as a courtesy."

 

"Tsk," Minji snorts. "So, we're talking about courtesy now, huh?"

 

"Not a bad topic if you ask me."

 

The evening out for dinner is eventually cancelled simply because Siyeon doesn't feel like going out. Instead, she offers to cook (and it is her virgin attempt other than making cup noodles, unless that counts as cooking) which Minji isn't so sure if it is something that she should feel pleasant about.

 

"I found some recipes online," Siyeon had told her earlier.

 

But Minji becomes increasingly unsettled, eyes boring into the sea of messiness in the kitchen, especially at the pot of pasta that has been in the water for a long time already. Has it even boiled already? Making a tomato spaghetti is simple. It shouldn't even take that long.

 

Her worries are proven right when a yelp comes from the kitchen - Siyeon has accidentally cut her finger instead of the spring onions on the chopping board. In the midst of a wave of awkward apologies, Minji decides that it would be better for them to just order take-aways.

 

"But the pasta is going to be done soon," Siyeon says.

 

Minji digs her eyes into the pot of pasta, shaking her head, feeling pessimistic about its fate, "By the time you finish cooking, I would've fainted from hunger already. And I would rather waste some money than hurting my poor stomach."

 

" _Ah_ , I really can't do anything right, can I?"

 

"Oh, no, it's totally okay," Minji quickly chimes in upon the realisation that she has probably said the wrong words. "Really, no worries. I used to be really bad at cooking too." She turns off the fire on the stove and pours everything into the bin. "In fact, there was one time when my mum wasn't at home and I nearly poisoned my dad and sister with my dishes. There's always a first time in everything."

 

And Siyeon stays silent, the remaining arguments in her head diminishes. 

 

They didn't have pasta. They had fried rice instead from a Chinese eatery that Minji has recommended.

 

As the cold night sets in, silence fills the room as they settle back into their own activities, with Minji reading a crime novel that she has borrowed from the school library and Siyeon sprawled across her bed with her eyes glued onto her phone. It feels like a really long time since they are both present in the room even if they are just doing their own thing. And Minji secretly wishes for things to stay this way.

 

In the end, Minji mentions no words about the new information that she has gotten because Siyeon doesn't look like she remembers anything from last night. She also doesn't look like she is going to tell her anything either.

 

But there's time.

 

And Minji is willing to wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that eventful night, Minji has started to notice that her roommate has been coming back earlier. Sometimes, she wouldn't even be out. 

 

It is a good sign except that among the many nights that she has gone out, Siyeon would return with Hyunsik, both drunk and barely conscious, sometimes with lipstick stains on her cheek and neck. A few times, she would be accompanied by a foreign set of voice and footsteps to stay the night with, only to be chased out by Minji before they were able to set their feet into the room. She has had enough.

 

"Stop bringing girls back into our room!"

 

But Siyeon isn't listening.

 

She stumbles her way into the room and latches both of her arms closely around Minji's neck as she playfully blows hot air onto her face. She isn't sober but somehow, her subconsciousness wouldn't let her forget that the girl in front of her hates the smell of alcohol. It is fun to tease her.

 

"You know, Minji, I-I really, really love girls, and that includes you."

 

Blushes creep up onto Minji's cheek and her heart tingles with excitement, thoughts wandering off everywhere to every possibility that she can think of. She should be feeling proud and honoured, because the girl has just come out of her closet but her hands are busy fending off the puckered lips that is approaching her.

 

"What? Did you just come out to me?"

 

Siyeon giggles with the silliest grin, "Uh huh, th-that's my sincerest confession from the bottom of my heart. I told many, many, many people today but apparently, some of them didn't li-like what I said. Are y-you like them too?"

 

"I have no comment," Minji assures as she tries to pry off the posessive arms which only tightens to pull her closer. "Urg, it's your life, whatever makes you happy."

 

"I knew it. I k-knew you were different. Y-you always support me."

 

"Yeah, yeah. Glad that you know. Now, can you let go of me?"

 

Siyeon doesn't utter a word but those unspoken thoughts are put into action as she loosens her grip and slides her fingers down Minji's arms. Their fingers intertwine for a moment and then, a surprise kiss is snuck onto her cheek, swift and hard, and Siyeon only laughs, ruffling her own hair before pacing away from the door while muttering some unclear words, leaving the victim in total bewilderment.

 

_What in the world?_

 

Minji quickly lifts her hand to rub away the traces of red in embarrassment.

 

"Urg, so hot!"

 

One by one, Siyeon starts shedding herself off the irritable summer heat, starting from the black Adidas baseball cap, to the body-hugging halter top, to the ripped jeans and Minji trails behind frantically, releasing a series of sighs as she hurries to collect the scattered clothings... and then she watches as the fingers go around her back to the hook of her bra.

 

"Wait, stop," Minji drops everything and hurtles to the girl to prevent the moving hands from reaching its destination. Then, the realisation of the girl only in her undergarments catches up onto Minji. And she tries not to peek at the absurd sight right in front of her eyes but  _oh_ , they are blue. "Keep them. Don't take them off."

 

"Why? I don't like to sleep in them," Siyeon whines as she turns around with a scrunched-up face, wriggling, using her whole body to express her reluctance. 

 

Minji is flustered, her gaze doesn't dare to meet Siyeon's and is instead, darting around to whatever spot she can find other than blue. And the girl actually has the audacity to ask her why. "Just, please respect my eyes, okay?"

 

"Oh, I get it. You like it, right?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"My body is so attractive th-that it turns you on."

 

 _Of course,_ Minji thinks,  _of course_. Drunk Siyeon means troubles. It means a clingy, needy, gloomy and sometimes, a little flirty roommate, everything in one package but not in a good way. And she doesn't even want to think about whether the girl's body is attractive or not.

 

"Okay, you know what, Lee Siyeon? You're going to head to your bed, close your eyes and sleep. Can you do that?" Minji bites onto her lips, carefully tapping on the patience that is running out.

 

"Yeah,  _duh_ , that's too easy," Siyeon raises a hand and nods, a little too enthusiastically, like a student eager to answer a question that the teacher has just asked. "Lee Siyeon will always, and you hear me, _always_ ,li-listens to Kim Minji."

 

"Oh, good."

 

There aren't any other disagreements as Minji follows quietly behind Siyeon's swaying figure, watching her every step closely. A yelp suddenly echoes as the girl stubs her ring toe onto the bed post. Then, she falls flat onto the bed, knocked out, leaving the unbearable stench of alcohol to invade the room and the trail of mess waiting for Minji to clean up. And she wonders why does she even bother to do so.

 

"Gosh," Minji shakes her head.

 

Too kind and too generous is what everyone has said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You're going somewhere?" Minji asks when she sees Siyeon in front of the mirror busy applying lipsticks and looking all dressed up. She thinks the previous shade of red looks better on her lips than the current maroon one.

 

"Mmm, a concert."

 

"Oh, whose?"

 

Siyeon gives out a secretive grin but Minji can already sense the excitement that she is hiding, "I don't wanna tell you in case you get jealous of me. But you can make a guess if you want."

 

Minji rolls her eyes and scoffs at the only possibility that comes into her mind. The last time she remembers, they don't even like the same artiste. Rock just isn't in her blood although some ballad rock might be fine. She prefers something melodic and easy to sing, like maybe pop. "One Ok Rock?"

 

"Yes, oh my god, I can't believe this! It's the standing pen ticket somemore!"

 

"Wow, so the decisive part of you finally gives in? After a long debate? Unbelievable. I remember hearing you talking about saving up a few days ago. What happened?" Minji says in a mocking tone.

 

"Of course I didn't pay for it. Someone invited me."

 

Minji raises a questioning brow, her eyes following Siyeon across the room as the latter sits down in front of her study desk, messing up the stuff in her drawer, pretending to be searching for something. "Someone?"

 

"Fine. A friend."

 

"A friend?" Minji continues her teasing.

 

"Yeah," Siyeon nods vigorously and returns an equally firm stare, "A friend," and it doesn't take too long before she backs down again. "Well, at least, she's a friend for now."

 

"Ohhh..."

 

"Wait, stop," Siyeon suddenly stands up and slams her palm onto the desk. "This must be a trap." She grabs her shoulder bag hastily and heads off to the door. "What have you fed me? If not, why am I answering all of your questions so honestly?"

 

"Oh dear, how did you know? Did you see me when I was spiking your drink just now?" Minji joins in the act with a pair of widened eyes and a face masked with fear and shock.

 

"You finally admit it, Kim Minji." Siyeon points a finger at her with an overly-dramatic voice and Minji doesn't even know what to make out from her expression. Anger? Fear? She can't be sure but she is sure that her amateur acting will never make it onto the big screen. "I will report you to the King later. I will make sure for you to be banished far away into the cold palace to repent on your evil deeds. You shall not return until I say so."

 

"Gosh, stop watching those Chinese palace dramas," Minji gets up from the bed when she has had enough and heads towards the kitchen, fumbling the refrigerator for any food, feeling hungry already. She hasn't eaten since yesterday's lunch. "And what, you're going to put me in the cold palace? How dare you? Do you not want to live anymore? Then you better not come to me when the lecturer asks why haven't you been attending his lectures all these whiles."

 

Siyeon immediately scrambles back to her side and put an arm around Minji's shoulders, "Hey, don't be rash. Let's talk things out. We're best friends, right?"

 

"Oh, now I'm your best friend?" Minji says sarcastically as she grabs the jar of pudding from the freezer, the only thing that is edible but she will make do with it, though she has no idea why it was in the freezer in the first place.

 

"You've always been my bestest best friend, Minji."

 

"Of course I'm your best friend when you need your attendance." Minji tries to open the jar but even when she has used up all her might, it still doesn't open. "But please don't go around telling people that we're close," she rubs the lid of the jar against her t-shirt. "I'm only helping you because I pity your grades."

 

Siyeon let those words fall on her deaf ears as she snatches the jar over, easily opening it and she is instantly greeted with an expression filled with amazement from the other girl. Feeling satisfied, she finishes off the victory with a smug grin before returning the opened jar back to its owner, "Your notes, Minji. You're going to lend them to me too, right?"

 

"Do I look like I have a choice?"

 

"You're the best, Minji!" Siyeon leaps herself into Minji's arms for a brief moment before turning back towards the door. Turning around, she takes another glance at Minji before she leaves, "Love you so much, best friend." And she sends a flying kiss along the way.

 

Minji is dumbfounded. She thinks that Siyeon is going to be the death of her one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cramped corridor is noisy and crowded. One by one, people are leaving with a baggage in their hand with the longing for home. The long weekend that is granted to them because of the polling day, even though it is just a mere short five days, is enough for Minji to be full of envy. Because she has already made the call to break the news that she wouldn't be going back. The bus fare is on its peak. Her parents think so too.

 

"Wait for me! I'm heading to the bus terminal too!"

 

"Walk faster, will you?"

 

The voices and footsteps fade away gradually and the building has turned awfully quiet, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Minji lays on her bed, releasing a sigh of regret as she stares blankly onto the white ceiling, occasionally stealing glances at her roommate who is on her laptop, engaging in an online game session. The thought of being cooped up in the room for all five days bore her. Then again, at least she won't be alone.

 

A series of knocks land on the door, pairs of peeking eyes have invited themselves through the slit of the ajar door when nobody answers. And Minji vaguely remembers hearing their neighbours telling them something about having a hotpot dinner together in their room tonight.

 

"Where's Siyeon unnie?" Yoohyeon asks.

 

Minji takes off her slippers and aligns them neatly against the wall, "She's meeting a friend for a movie first."

 

" _Ah,"_  Yoohyeon nods suggestively, "No wonder she hasn't been online recently," And Minji doesn't fail to catch the disappointment that is dragging at the end of the sentence. But Siyeon was clearly playing games in the morning. Then, she recalls how the girl is always complaining about how Yoohyeon is a bad gamer who only hides and doesn't attack. Oh well, she remains silence, not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings.

 

"Cola?" Yoohyeon breaks her chain of thoughts as she swings a can of cola in her sight.

 

Minji shakes her head, "I have gastric. So no carbonated drinks."

 

"Oh, okay. I have green tea. Both canned and tea bags. Or do you prefer juices?"

 

"I'll take the juice then. I drink tea everyday. Kind of getting sick of it already."

 

Yoohyeon chuckles and gives Minji a pat on the shoulders, "No problem. I have everything here." The occupant squeezes through the sea of people before returning with a can of grape juice. "This brand is nice. And it's not iced. Gastric sucks. Yoobin has it too and I've seen her acting up. Better take care of yourself more."

 

Minji smiles at the concern. It makes the warmth in her heart grow, "Thanks. I appreciate that. "

 

"Ayy, you don't have to be so polite. We all come a long way from our hometown without our parents and friends. Which, I have to admit, it's pretty lonely sometimes. Of course we have to take care of one another."

 

Yoohyeon might be dense, sometimes a little muddle-head but Minji thinks that she must be a reincarnation of an angel. Not only she's pretty, she's also so considerate and caring, always putting others' needs in front of hers, which triggers the protective side of Minji, making her wants to cherish this little sister even more.

 

"Hit me up someday when you're free. Lunch or dinner on me. Whatever you want." Minji says.

 

"That's so out of the blue but I like it!"

 

Minji nods and ruffles Yoohyeon's hair, earning a grumble from the younger girl. "Yeah, why not, right? We can have a nice date together. Just forget about Lee Siyeon, she's ungrateful." She makes a face, "Fancy ditching us for someone whom she hasn't known for more than three months."

 

"Ha, I agree. She's too much. It's a deal then. Let's take Yoobin too."

 

"Sure."

 

More and more foreign faces arrive as the night deepens and the atmosphere is suddenly livened up like what can only be seen during New Year's. Minji has lost count of how many people Yoohyeon has invited. All she knows is that the room is getting warmer and everyone is starting to fan themselves from the unknown heat. Minji tries to get away to catch her breath from the overwhelmingness but she is stuck in the seat between Yoohyeon and Yoobin. The two hosts are too engrossed in chatting with the others that they didn't realise her discomfort until she nudges against Yoohyeon's arm.

 

"Oh, hey, Minji." Minji sees Hyunsik coming in her way with that cheery smile. "Siyeon isn't here with you?" It's the umpteenth time that she has been asked this question just for tonight. Minji thinks that they must have been together so much that it's weird to see one without the other.

 

"Hey there," Minji waves and greets back, feeling a little dreadful already. Come to think about it, she has been seeing Hyunsik around her sight lately. It seems too coincidental for her liking. "She's in a movie with a friend but she will be coming later."

 

"I see. So, you came alone?"

 

"Yeah, but I have some friends over there," Minji tip-toes and glances over to the two hosts who's still busy entertaining the guests. Poor them. "It's quite stuffy in there. So I thought that I'll just come out to catch some breath."

 

"Oh yeah, it sure is pretty stuffy in there. Will you fancy my company then?" Hyunsik asks with a confident smile and Minji just returns an awkward smile, not sure about how to continue the conversation. She just wishes that he will catch onto the hint and leave but he is either too caught up in himself, or simply doesn't want to give up. To be honest, she doesn't see any common topics between them.

 

"So, you like reading James Patterson's?" Hyunsik suddenly asks.

 

Actually, maybe they can be friends. 

 

"Yeah I do but, why," Minji pauses her words to gather her thoughts. "I mean, how? How did you know about it?"

 

Or not.

 

"Oh, I saw those books on your bookshelf the other day. They were arranged really neatly."

 

Minji grins proudly, somewhat impressed by his observance. She likes it when people praises her knack for keeping things in order. Although sometimes her friends think that she has OCD. She likes it even more when people notices the series of books that she has been collecting painstakingly for near to a decade now.

 

"Thanks, I take that as a compliment."

 

"Of course it is one."

 

They return back into the room when the crowds disperse. They talk about James Patterson's novels for a while and even though Hyunsik says that he reads them too, Minji knows that he doesn't. But she still let him continue. The topic gradually shifts and the rest of the time is spent listening to him talking about his high school's days, occasionally Siyeon's name pops out and it interests Minji but mostly it's about how he was leading a rookie basketball team who won a gold medal in a friendly match with another school. It bores her but fair enough. He did listen to hers just now.

 

"Siyeon unnie!"

 

Minji's ears perk out at the mention of the name and she turns around to see Yoohyeon swinging a fist bump to the girl at the doorstep, not caring if she is being rude by interrupting their conversation. Instead, she is cheering inwardly at the arrival of her saviour.

 

" _Ah_ , Siyeon's here already," Hyunsik states the obvious.

 

And Minji nods, "Yeah, finally," emphasising on the double meaning behind her words. 

 

"Sorry, was at the movie just now," Siyeon apologises.

 

Minji is about to go up to her when she sees another petite figure appearing after Siyeon. The same denim jacket that they are wearing catches her attention instantly. But the girl looks familiar. Has she seen her before somewhere?

 

"Oh, wow, hi, who is this-," Yoohyeon waves excitedly, a smirk plastered on her face as she gives Siyeon a nudge on her shoulders, expression turning into a teasing face of disapproval. "I thought that we're buddies? And you didn't even tell me anything about your new girl?"

 

"Right, Siyeon unnie. You should at least give us a warning." Yoobin joins in and holds Yoohyeon's arm, cradling her head on her roommate's shoulders. She must be really tired.

 

Siyeon's eyes dart over to the petite girl, who only looks away with a faint smile as she brushes her hair behind her ears, leaving the main person in custody to fend for herself. "You guys are weird. Bora and I are just friends!"

 

"Oh, so, Bora is the name," Yoohyeon says, "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Yoohyeon," she introduces herself as she grins, extending her hand out for a handshake. And Yoobin follows suit. Both elated at the newcomer.

 

 _Bora, Kim Bora._ Minji remembers now. She is the leader of the dance club. The Dancing Queen, that's what people call her because of her mad dancing skills. She can pretty much dance to any music. Hip hop, contemporary, Jazz, Samba. Just name anything and she will do it. 

 

"Nice to meet-,"

 

But the two hands are slapped away before they have a chance to be in contact. And Yoohyeon groans in pain while Yoobin laughs, rubbing the back of her hand to soothe the redness. Siyeon looks at her victim apologetically and grants her a chance to hit her back when she realises that she has used too much force.

 

Yoohyeon giggles and gives a small tap onto Siyeon's palm as she invites them in, sweeping the trashes that the guests have left behind to the side. And she snaps when she sees the pair of intertwining hands right before her eyes, "Siyeon unnie, what happened to 'just friends'?"

 

"We're still 'just friends'."

 

"Don't, remember you taught me that we should take responsibility for what we do," Yoohyeon retorts.

 

"Oh, shut up!"

 

Minji watches carefully as Siyeon casually strolls past her before shoving a wink at her, accompanied by a knowing grin of what seems to appear like victory. Then, she gives her a smug grin upon the sight of the man beside her. She isn't even sure what they mean but the girl must have crossed her path on purpose because she is sure that the hotpot is on the other side of the room. 

 

"Hi, Minji," Bora greets her with a smile and Minji is surprised at the fact that she knows her name. "And hi to Hyunsik too!" Nevertheless, she waves and greets her back with the same smile.

 

"Hey there," Hyunsik's voice sounds from the side and Minji has nearly forgotten that he's still here. He pats Siyeon on her shoulder and grins, "By the way, nice one, Siyeon. Last long."

 

"Told you we're not a couple."

 

Minji heads to the kitchen and helps herself with another can of grape juice after withstanding the thirst for quite some time already. She stands by the shoe rack quietly, sipping onto the fruit juice even after Hyunsik has left, who claims that he has an early class tomorrow, which she doesn't really want to know. And Minji absolutely doesn't believe in 'just friends' when she sets her focus on the excessive skinship and the smiling eyes that Siyeon and Bora are giving to each other all night. 'Just friends'?  _Bullshit._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siyeon starts to invite Bora to join them for lunch. She had asked Minji if she would be okay with it. The latter only nodded for she had no reason to say no.

 

Then, the next day, Siyeon would ask the same thing. And the day after, she would ask again. Gradually, the initial consulting of Minji's opinion is no longer needed because she always say yes. Even if Minji doesn't feel like it, Bora will still join anyway. There's nothing that she can do about it.

 

They were two but now, they are three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So babe, what do you want for your birthday?"

 

Minji is on her way back to her room after a fulfilling dinner with Yoohyeon and Yoobin (because Siyeon has ditched them again) when she hears Bora's voice ringing past the closed door. That's the difference between Bora and herself, the former is always loud and always makes sure to get her thoughts across. Unlike her. But she remembers Siyeon texting her that they are having dinner together tonight. Why are they back so early?

 

"I want you only."

 

"Lee Siyeon, you-," The cozy sight of the two girls cuddling against each other on the bed greets Minji as soon as she enters the room, her free hands stuffed into both sides of the coat's pocket. The temperature in the corridor has a tendency to fall lower at night especially when it's nearing winter. "Oh, hi, Minji," Siyeon waves and both of them sit up instinctively.

 

"Looks like I'm back too early," Minji says with a raised brow as she closes the door behind her.

 

"It's okay, three is never a crowd, you can watch us. Or you can invite Hyunsik here if you feel left out."

 

"Oh yeah, I heard about it," Bora chimes in with a snicker. "Hyunsik is so persistent. Maybe you should give him a chance?"

 

Minji turns away from the couple and shakes her head helplessly, feeling speechless about the mention of Hyunsik. The guy has broken past the stage of small talks and has been actively pursuing her for a while already even though she has made it clear that she isn't interested in a relationship now. What's worse is that every time the guy came to find her, Siyeon always happened to be there and what came after that were endless teasings. It doesn't help that the girl had told her girlfriend about it too. One thing Minji hasn't expected though, is for Bora to mimick Siyeon's behaviour, considering that she is the more sensible one in the relationship.

 

"Big mouth Lee Siyeon," Minji says with a deliberate raised volume so that the girl can hear her clearly. Feeling stuffy, Minji removes her jacket and brings it closer to take a quick sniff, hoping that the smell of the barbecue earlier on hadn't stain onto it since the restaurant has a ventilation system. She doesn't want to send a perfectly clean clothing into the laundry yet.

 

"I have a much bigger mouth than you think."

 

Minji watches as Bora brings her arms closer around Siyeon's waist possessively and grazes her thumb across her lips, chuckling before looking back at her, nodding and comfirming her doubts, "Yeah, Siyeon told me many _great_ things about you."

 

"Great?" Minji sneers, skeptical about what the girl meant by 'great' but somehow, she is feeling happy inwardly that her name was often mentioned in their conversation. Is this considered a best friend's pride?

 

"Mostly about how you're a bully and is always picking on her for even the smallest stuff."

 

Minji widens her eyes in disbelief, "Wow, I-,"

 

"You dare to say that it's not true?" Siyeon interrupts before Minji can finish her sentence while grinning sheepishly, knowing that she has her girlfriend to back her up this time. "You always nag at me for not tidying up my bed and scold me for not finishing my homework. Last week, you literally threw me out of my bed just because I couldn't wake up."

 

"For your information, I nagged at you because I didn't want you to fail your test and you should really tidy up more often because your mess always crossed over to my space. And why did I throw you out of your bed? Because you were late for class and if I didn't find ways to wake you up, I would be late too!"

 

"Even so, you didn't have to be that harsh!"

 

"Harsh? How is that harsh? You totally deserve it, okay? _Idiot_."

 

"Calm down, friends," Bora interjects in the midst of the bickerings while holding back her girlfriend who is almost ready to fight. She admits that she is loud enough but seeing the scene in front of her, she thinks that she finally has a worthy competitor.

 

Siyeon opens her mouth, struggling to get out of Bora's grip, ready to launch a counter-attack, "No, you see, Bora. She calls me an idiot! She always does that-,"

 

"That's because you are one!" Minji retorts.

 

"I-,"

 

"You girls are cute, to be honest. Totally friendship goals."

 

The sudden comment from a third party effectively shuts the two girls up as they look away from each other in disgust. And Bora chuckles at the blushes that are creeping up onto their faces. If Bora hadn't known the both of them well, she would have gotten jealous and thought that they are a couple instead of Siyeon and herself.

 

"Nah, we're not," Minji shakes her head.

 

Siyeon follows suit, "Yeah, we're totally not."

 

Carefully wrapping the jacket around the arms of the chair, Minji heads into the kitchen and wanted to pour some water into her bottle but the kettle is emptied when Siyeon beats her to it. She watches the girl gulp down the remaining water with her eyes fixated on hers teasingly before scrambling to the toilet while making a face, rambling about how she can't hold her bowels in anymore. Minji wets her own lips at the unquenched thirst. She has to remember to refill it afterwards.

 

"Will you be free on Siyeon's birthday?" Bora breaks the silence, her hands patting the eye-catching bunch of stuffed toys lined up orderly on the side of the bed. Minji was the one who had tidied them up because she couldn't stand the mess any longer but she thinks that it won't be long before it will be reverted back to its old way. "I was thinking that we can gather all of her friends and throw a birthday party for her. What do you think about the idea?"

 

"Um, I don't know, why are you asking me? You plan it."

 

"Well, because you're her best friend. You must know what she likes the best."

 

"And you're her girlfriend," Minji argues.

 

"But you know her the longest."

 

"Seriously, why does everyone thinks that we're very close?" Minji strolls back to her desk and sits down, her eyes focused onto the printed copy of the timetable that is pinned onto the wall. "To be honest," Then she frowns and rubs her fingers against her chin. "I don't think we're as close as you think we are. We are only close when she needs my help. Like how she always borrowed my notes when you girls skipped lectures to go on dates."

 

"Oh god, Minji, I never thought that you are one to hold grudges," Bora laughs, legs lifting up to step on the bedstands and she hugs her knees close to her chest. "Now I feel bad for taking Siyeon away from you."

 

Minji is baffled, "What?" 

 

"You girls attended the same classes, went for lunch together and spent days and nights together in this little room. Not only me, nobody else will believe it if you tell them that the two of you aren't close. Just look at how you girls were bickering just now."

 

Minji doesn't know which is funnier - the fact that she didn't mean it as a joke or the fact that Bora's words make sense. Of course they are close, of course they care for each other but if someone were to ask her questions like what is Siyeon's favourite food, what is her shoe size or what is her favourite subject, she won't know how to answer them. It is weird though she has no idea why but she is sure that it will be the same for Siyeon as well.

 

"What are you girls talking about? I think I heard my name," Siyeon comes out of the bathroom after the toilet flushes.

 

"Not telling you," Bora says.

 

"What's so secretive?"

 

"Don't worry, babe," Bora reassures and stretches her arm out to grab Siyeon's hand, pulling her girlfriend to sit onto her lap. "It's something good. You will know when the time comes. Right, Minji?"

 

"Right," Minji nods, trying to hold back on a chuckle at an idea that just comes up onto her mind. "Of course it's something good. I just told Bora about how deadly your farts are."

 

"I'm sorry, what?!"

 

Minji quickly stuffs the earbuds into her ears and turns her focus onto the opened lecture notes to prevent any more commotions, letting the lingering voices drown into her songs. And before the song switches, she overhears Bora saying something about liking the smell of her own fart, and that Siyeon should fart more in her presence. Then, laughter mixes into her ears for a moment and she thinks she hears Siyeon saying 'okay'. _What?_  They are two weirdos indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't want to see you again."

 

"Great, let's not then."

 

The past few months have been an emotional ride for Minji. Being a mutual friend with a couple doesn't benefit her at all. When things are good, she's the third wheel who gets ditched whenever they go out for a date. When things are bad, she is the both the peacemaker and the comforter, one side trying to talk some sense into Siyeon and another side trying to cheer Bora up. And she thinks that if there is an award for the best middleman, she totally qualifies for it.

 

"She looks really angry. You're not going after her?" Minji asks, side-eyeing Siyeon when she sees the girl still sitting on her bed looking daze, even after her girlfriend has already stormed off the room for quite some time now.

 

Siyeon fiddles with her fingers, "Why should I always be the one chasing after her when she's the unreasonable one?" Then she lowers her head, avoiding the gaze that Minji is giving her, "If she thinks that I'm not spending enough time with her, then I'll just let her go so that she can find someone else who can keep her company all day."

 

"You do know that she said that out of anger."

 

"That's the point," Siyeon frowns, feeling wronged. "I know we can have differences sometimes but we can always sit down and talk things out. She doesn't have to say those words." And she finally admits, "It really hurts, you know."

 

"Then, tell her that." Minji let out a long yawn, frustrated at the morning commotion that had woken her up. Classes only start in the afternoon, there is no reason for her to be awake this early. "What's the point of saying it to me when she's not going to hear them? And by the way, you said hurtful stuff to her too."

 

"That's because she started it first."

 

"Oh gosh, then do whatever you want," Minji grabs the nearest pillow and ducks her head below it when she has had enough, "Go after her, bring her out, or make out with her, I don't care." And she closes her eyes, in hope that she can regain some sleep, "Just let me have some peace here."

 

There is silence. Then, she hears a sigh, another sigh comes after that, and more sighs. The feet paces around the room for a while before it picks up the speed and hurries off, leaving behind the sound of the creaking door.  _Finally_.

 

When the last lesson of the day finishes, leaving behind Minji who's not feeling very happy about the rearrangement of the team for a new project, she just wants to indulge herself in a warm shower and turn in early for the night. But before the door fully opens, Minji hears someone squealing and through the slit, she sees a body laying on top of the other. They are kissing. She quickly shuts it quietly and sends a particular number a text to take her in for the night.

 

Thankfully, she has Yoohyeon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji is getting restless. Studying is usually her past time activity especially when exams are nearing but she can't concentrate well. Not when Siyeon is next to her, rocking her chair from side to side, and the pen in her hand is being _spun_ , and _spun_ , and _spun_ around. Like the theory that she has been trying to memorise in her head.

 

"So, how long have you and Bora been dating for?"

 

"I didn't really count. Why?"

 

"Just curious," Minji pretends to be focused on the notes while paying extra caution to the nosiness that is peeking out of her voice. She doesn't want to sound too concerned.

 

"Hmm, let me see," Siyeon drops the pen completely and flips the cover of her phone. Minji didn't think that the girl would comply to her curiosity. "Okay, we got together in February last year and now is... October, so we've been together for around one year and nine months-," and her eyes go wide. "Holy shit, it's nearly two years!"

 

"Is it really supposed to be that surprising?" Minji questions with amusement written all over her face.

 

"It feels like it was just a few months ago when we first got together and now it has been like what, one year and nine months? I can't _fucking_ believe this."

 

"Time really flies, huh?" Minji murmurs, thinking about how Siyeon and her have known each other for more than three years now and yet, all of these also feel like they just happened a few months ago.

 

"Ha, yeah."

 

The topic is left aside momentarily when Siyeon's eyes is now completely glued onto her phone with a wide smile hanging on her face. The girl is too easily distracted and it sometimes makes Minji wonder if she has any problem with focusing. Because it seems to be a tough task for her to just stay still and do nothing.

 

"So, you've settled down now? With Bora?"

 

Siyeon raises a brow and the expression full of uncertainties suggest to Minji that she has never thought deeply about the question before. Then again, at this age, who would? "Maybe? Who knows?"

 

"Hmm but you rarely stayed out late nowadays, guess you're changed man now-," Minji quickly corrects herself. " _Oops_ , I mean changed woman."

 

"You sounded as if I was a total jerk before!"

 

"You literally brought girls back into the room!"

 

"That didn't mean anything!" Siyeon retorts with a raised voice, trying to match Minji's. "It was just two willing parties having a little bit of fun, you know. It wasn't that serious."

 

"I just think that you should learn to take care of yourself more."

 

'Don't worry, Minji. I always do," Siyeon's expression softens as she leans back into her chair, trying to shakes her head off the fatigue that's setting in. Then, a brief smile flashes across her face before it turns into a mischievous one. "What's more, I have Bora to take care of me now."

 

"Poor thing, she must be having a hard time taking care of this big child."

 

"Hey, I'm not a child, okay?"

 

"You totally are. I can totally imagine you clinging onto her all day, trying to get her attention while she's busy studying or something," Minji continues to tease the girl, letting her know how it feels like to be on the receiving end.

 

Siyeon scoffs in disbelief, "Tsk, why do you even think that I'm the clingy one?"

 

"Because you're annoying."

 

"Ow, you're really mean," Siyeon pulls a face and pouts, knowing how easy it will be to incite the guilt in Minji. "And I'm really hurt. Say sorry."

 

"If I don't want to?" Minji challenges.

 

A screeching sound from the moving chair against the floor pierces its way into Minji's ears and the notes that she was reading a while ago is now filled with scribbles as the other girl hovers over her. Astonishment engulfs Minji as she watches the girl finishing the last stroke of blue ink with a grin of victory.

 

"Really? Lee Siyeon?"

 

"What?" Siyeon shrugs, feigning a face of innocence as she sits back down onto her chair, eyes narrowing down warily at her victim. "Anything happened?"

 

Minji blinks her eyes in disbelief with her mouth agape as she try to form words in her head. In the end, she only let out a resigned sigh and shakes her head.  _Lee Siyeon._ A  _child_ indeed. Sometimes, she doesn't even know why she would still be surprised by her actions anymore.

 

"I only annoy people that I like. So, you should feel honoured," Siyeon reasons with a smug that Minji wants to wipe off from her face badly. Maybe she should ask her to rewrite the notes that she had ruined.

 

"Oh, is that the case? Then I sincerely hope that you will approve my request to leave your list of favourites."

 

The space that is unoccupied closes in again suddenly and Minji moves back instinctively at the lack of privacy until her back touches the wall. The girl is too close for comfort. With the way Siyeon has been leeching onto her these days, she should have known that her advances know no boundaries. Yet, she isn't doing anything to avoid them.

 

"Tell me, how will you bear to leave me?" Siyeon corners her and shamelessly throws herself onto Minji's lap, her head nuzzling against her chest and she feels her neck tickles at the loose strands of hair. She is so red and so nervous that she thinks that the girl is going to hear the rapid thumping of her heart. "I know that I'm definitely at the top of your favourites. So, I'm just going to cling onto you for the rest of my life."

 

And... Siyeon is right.

 

"You're disgusting. And I'm telling Bora."

 

Minji rolls her eyes and hastily pries the arms off her after managing to recompose herself. She watches the other girl jumps onto the bed with a satisfied grin, which soon turns into a full-blown laughing session and her body bounces upwards against the gravity. The big and fluffy bunny stuffed toy that Bora has given to her on her birthday is now in her arms, squashed against her chest. "You should have seen your face, Minji." In the end, there wasn't any shared plans and Bora had Siyeon for the whole day. And the pop-up card that Minji had made was left aside somewhere in the drawer.

 

Siyeon is at the top of Minji's favourites but that doesn't mean that Minji too, is also at the top of Siyeon's favourite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is December and the long-awaited winter break has finally arrived. The bus to Daejeon is still fully packed even though Minji has already avoided the peak hours by choosing to leave two days later. The two-hours journey back home has taken a longer time than usual due to the snow but Minji still makes it in time for dinner.

 

Coming home is nice.

 

Minji gets to taste the home-cooked meal that she hasn't eaten for months. She never fails to notice that every time she comes home, the dining table would be full of her favourite dishes and of course, her mum wouldn't forget the must-have on the menu - kimchi tofu stew.

 

None of the kimchi tofu stew in the eateries that she has tried could fare up to her mum's cooking. Because only her mum would know the exact combination of spiciness and sourness that would satisfy her taste bud.

 

Her favourite of all in her trip home would be having her little sister welcoming her home at the door, only to be pushed aside as soon as she has gotten her desired gift - it is a pink graphic shirt that she has bought in a flea market. Except that this time, her sister walks away with a look of despise while lamenting about how childish the design looks.

 

_Children nowadays._

 

And every time Minji returns, she would take the chance to measure how much her little sister has grown since the last time she saw her. The red ink on the wall is marked at a higher height this time - little Minju has grown five centimetres.

 

Coming home was supposed to be nice if not for a certain someone who has insisted on tagging along simply because she has quarreled with her parents and Bora's house isn't convenient to allow her stays.

 

"Eat more, Siyeon. These are Minji's favourites so, don't stand on ceremony. There's still more rice at the back if it's not enough." Minji's mum breaks the silence at the dining table with a dedicated smile that she would only show when there are guests in the house.

 

"Oh, thank you, eommonie. It's actually enough."

 

"No, how is that little amount of rice in that bowl enough?" Her mum narrows her eyes onto Siyeon's and chides.

 

"I don't usually eat a lot," her voice gradually becomes softer, making her existence seem smaller than ever. And Minji chuckles, thinking about how the mighty Lee Siyeon has finally met her match today.  _Typical Asian Mum._ Her classmates in high school would be able to relate.

 

"I'm sorry, what did you say again? I didn't catch that."

 

"Oh, it's nothing. I-,"

 

"Mum, she is not a kid," Minji interrupts, unable to watch the unbearable scene anymore as her teeth grinds down diligently onto the unchewed food in her mouth. "She can decide for herself if she wants more."

 

"If you are capable of doing so, you wouldn't need me to keep reminding you to eat properly. Look at all these skin and bones," Her mum grabs onto her skinny arm which hasn't discard the chopsticks in her hand on time and Minji suddenly regrets speaking up for the girl. Her mum really loves to embarrass her in front of everybody. "This is why we can't trust you young people to make your own decision these days."

 

A pair of chopsticks, coupled with pieces of pork meat make its way onto Siyeon's bowl and before Minji is able to protest, she watches helplessly as the same is delivered onto hers. Of course her mum's cooking is nice but she too, has a small appetite. Besides, she isn't really a fan of pork. She prefers chicken.

 

"Your father works so hard to put food in your bowls. So, stop complaining and just eat," Her mum says sternly and Minji can hear Minju snickering beside her.

 

Her little sister has been sending her texts of complaints about how she wasn't allowed to have fast food again after falling sick last month and that she had to endure having home-cooked meals everyday. She must be feeling glad that Minji is now back home to share the burden with her.

 

"This is how our family is like, always bickering day and night," Minji's father speaks up with a kind smile, his eyes casting a gentle gaze as if he's talking to Siyeon like his own daughter. "But anyway, just eat what you can. Don't worry too much about the food," he says. "We can always save the leftovers for the next day's lunch."

 

The rest of the evening on the dining table is spent with Minji's mum constantly bombarding Siyeon with endless questions such as - _where is your hometown (Daegu)_ , _what does your parents do for a living (They opened a supermarket)_ , _how many siblings do you have (I am the only child)_ , _do you have a boyfriend (No-, um-, I mean, yes, I guess so?)_ and Minji momentarily notices how stiff the girl has become with an awkward smile hanging on her face. Her mum probes a little too much sometimes.

 

"Do you perhaps know of any nice boys who you can introduce to Minji?"

 

"What the, Mum?" Minji's ears perk up at the question, suddenly feeling shy about the topic, especially when it is discussed right in front of her best friend. She can already sense the pair of judging eyes that Siyeon is hiding behind the raised brows and puzzled expression.

 

But her pleas are completely ignored as her mum turns away from her and continues to chatter away about her criteria for an ideal future son-in-law, "Actually, I don't have a lot of requirements. His financial background doesn't really matter, as long as he has a stable income. And let's be realistic, he doesn't have to be very handsome. Just decent-looking will do."

 

"Um, actually there's someone-,"

 

"Oh, there is? Who? Do you have a photo of him?" Her mum chimes in excitedley.

 

But Siyeon's mind comes to a standstill at the gaze that Minji is giving to her. She gives her a nonchalant shrug on her shoulders, blatantly ignoring the girl and continues anyway, "She rejected him though."

 

Minji hides her face behind her palm and immediately has a bad premonition about what is about to come next. Her mum isn't going to let her off this time, " _Aish_ , look at this daughter of mine, her brain is always filled with studies, studies and studies." And she rests her head on her arms while she listens to her rants, "I don't want to be thick-skinned but I think my daughter is considered pretty so I always can't understand why she hasn't gotten herself a boyfriend yet. Now that you told me about it, I finally understand why."

 

"Mum, I told you before that I just want to focus on graduating from college first."

 

"After college, you will be working. Tell me, where are you going to find the time to meet new guys and go on dates? Trust your mum, college is the best time." Her mum argues, eyes landing onto the children's dad. "I still remember I was barely sixteen when I met your dad. And he has to chase away many other guys to get to me."

 

"Mmm, back in those days, your mum is a rose in the forest," Her dad says with a proud grin.

 

Blushes are planted onto her mum's face as she buries her face into the bowl of rice, feeling embarrassed about it even though she's the one who started the topic, "Don't even think that you can escape on washing the dishes just because you said these honeyed words."

 

"Ew, dad and mum," Minju says with a face of disgust. "Stop being so mushy."

 

And the whole family laughs at the youngest's outburst, who has probably endured too much of the love they have for each other. Minji turns around to peek a glance at Siyeon, who is smiling widely at the scene. The smile looks genuine and she thinks that it's a pleasant one to look at.

 

When dinner is done, Minji finds herself shuffling between the sink and the dining table when she is forcefully escorted out of the kitchen to keep her best friend company in the living room. She remembers how her mum used to complain about how nobody would help her with the dishes and now, she isn't allowed to even if she wants. As the years go by, she feels as if she is becoming a guest in her own house.

 

"I'm going to work," her dad announces after coming out of his room, fully changed into a thicker outfit.

 

And Minji quickly follows behind, "I'll send you off, dad."

 

Her dad has started driving night shifts these days because the business at their small eatery isn't picking up. Living costs are getting higher and her dad is afraid that their little business wouldn't keep them going until the youngest member in the family completes college. Which is why Minji is eager so, eager to graduate so that she can help out with the burden of the living costs.

 

"Do you have enough money for the rest of the semester?" Her dad asks when they're outside.

 

Putting both of her hands into the side pockets, Minji nods, her eyes boring into the new found dirt on the sidewalk. "Yeah, don't worry, dad. Don't forget that I still have my savings too."

 

While Minji understands that their family's financial status isn't the best, she isn't lying. She didn't have much to spend on anyway. Cafeteria's food is cheap and most of the time, she was just staying in her room, studying, reading a book or doing whatever that mostly didn't require heavy money spending. She is telling the truth so she can't comprehend why her dad is still pushing those notes of thousand wons into her hand, insisting for her to accept them.

 

"Dad, I told you I have-,"

 

"I won a little money from last week's lottery."

 

Minji doesn't know what to say, "Oh." Lottery. Now, that changes everything. Of course, her dad's expression says it all. All these years of buying lottery, they had never won anything until now. This quick break certainly makes her feel a little less guilty for wanting to accept these moneys.

 

"Just keep them," Her dad assures before putting a finger onto his lips. "But don't tell your sister anything about it. Or else, she's going to complain about me being biased again."

 

The end of her lips twitches, meeting from eye to eye as a knowing grin shows itself, painting the colours of childhood joy onto Minji's face. She loves keeping secrets, and she has been keeping a lot, especially when it's between her dad and herself. Just like how her dad used to bring her out for ice-cream without her mum's knowledge, just like how her dad used to bring her to arcades after school, just like how her dad had a relapse on his back injury recently and didn't want to tell anyone about it, fearing that it would cause worries for her mum.

 

"I got you, dad," Minji casts an understanding smile and quickly stuffs those notes into her pocket, matching her promise with an 'okay' sign.

 

And when her dad turns away from her to the vehicle after bidding goodbye, for the first time, Minji notices how well-built her dad's shoulders are, which must be why her mum had chosen him back then out of many others. But the responsibility of being the family's sole breadwinner seems to have weighed him down because he is slouching. And Minji suddenly feels the warm tears building up in the corner of her eyes at the sight. She quickly wipes them off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry if my mum makes you uncomfortable. She is like this, often speaking what she was thinking at the moment," Minji apologises, coming out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth to see Siyeon tip-toeing around her bookshelves filled with books and photo frames of her younger self - 

 

 _Pink_ singlet, _pink_ dress, _pink_ hat. _Pink_ everywhere. She was a _pink_ princess. And she still is one.

 

And she isn't embarrassed to admit it.

 

"It's fine, your mum is cute though. I was just a little awkward. Just a little," Siyeon turns around, emphasising on her last words and plops herself down onto Minji's bed without permission, letting the smell of the floral softener invades her nose. Then again, when was she ever the type to ask for permission to do anything? 

 

Minji chuckles and side-eyes the girl, taking the full advantage of this opportunity to tease her because what kind of joke this will be - the social butterfly in college isn't social at all with her best friend's parents. "You were _very_ awkward." 

 

A bolster is thrown across the room and fortunately, Minji manages to dodge it thanks to her quick reflex. The Taekwondo lessons that she had attended during elementary school isn't wasted. She shakes her head and places the bolster back onto her bed without words before leaving the room, her mind too tired to start another argument with Siyeon.

 

When Minji enters the room again, this time however, dragging another set of mattress and pillow along with her, it is now Siyeon's turn to be speechless. "Wait, this is for me?" She pauses with a little hesitation, "Aren't we sleeping together?"

 

Minji stops by the empty spot next to her bed and sets up the mattress, feeling a little amused. "You are the guest so you sleep on the bed. And, we don't sleep together back in the dorm either, do we?"

 

"Mmm, fine, I can sleep alone," Siyeon hums and Minji thinks that she muat have hurt her pride by rejecting her when she sees the wide smile that the girl is giving her, as if she's trying to cover the look of disappointment that has just flashed across her face. Yes, the girl loves cuddling, she must be really disappointed.

 

Too bad, Bora isn't here. And she isn't Bora.

 

Lights are off, the door is closed and windows are shut. All is silent, except for the old fan that is creating all kinds of buzzing noises. The neighbourhood is asleep already and Minji thinks that she should too. So, she hoists the blanket up her chest, closes her eyes and let her calm breathing takes over.  _Sleep_ , she tells herself. She is in the air, she is floating, she feels the fluffy clouds first and then she hears the sound of the winds passing by.

 

"I envy you, Minji." Her eyes suddenly flutter open at the solemn voice that breaks the silence.  _Damn_ , so close. "You and your family have such a good relationship."

 

Minji curses inwardly. She was never one to do so but today, she is impatient, a little frustrated and a little helpless. She has had a long day and all she wants right now is a good night rest. But somehow, the presence of the girl has slipped off her mind. She figures that she wouldn't be getting sleep any time soon.

 

"What?" She probes anyway.

 

"I said, I envy how you and your family are so close to one another."

 

"Mmm," Minji murmurs lazily with a long yawn while rubbing her eyes, mind still hazy about what the girl has just said. They should be sleeping. She has no idea just what kind of thoughts the girl is thinking about in the middle of the night. "Like you said, we're _family_."

 

"But my family and I don't get along though."

 

"Well," Minji breathes out a sigh, bringing her arms to the back of her head as she stares blankly into the ceiling, "Maybe you should stop finding faults with your parents and starts to appreciate what they have done for you. No matter what, they are still our mum and dad, they brought us up, you know."

 

Siyeon quarrels with her parents a lot, that was what Bora had told her.

 

"It's not that."

 

Minji makes a face, "Then what?"

 

There is a long pause in the silence and Minji turns to her side, anticipating for the girl to continue with her words. Because she is sacrificing her sleep, so she thinks that Siyeon better makes it worthwhile. The room is pitch black but Minji can still make out the figure that is back-facing her. Then, she hears the sounds of the shuffling bedsheets even though the girl never fully turn to face her, and what comes after that seems to sound like a series of sighs with frustration, " _Ah_ , never mind, it's nothing," Siyeon let out a half-hearted chuckle, she must be crazy to be laughing at herself. "Why am I even telling you all these?"

 

Minji might have heard it wrong, it was vague, but she is quite sure. Was that just a harmless statement, or was that something more than that, like disappointment, indirectly mocking at her inability to figure out the worries that the girl is hiding behind her laughter. Maybe she has said something that she shouldn't have. Thoughts are running wild in her head and Minji thinks that there certainly has to be a better way to jolt her awake than this.

 

"You can ignore my words. Let's just sleep," Siyeon says.

 

Even though Minji has known for quite some times already that Siyeon isn't someone who will let her heart out of her sleeves, and that she has been fine with that all these whiles, she sorts of understands now, what Bora has often been talking about, the frustration of being Siyeon's best friend - not being able to be there for her.

 

Minji isn't an impulsive person but somehow, at this night, with the half-moon watching over them from high above the sky, she is fuelled with the determination to let the girl know that a great pair of listening ears, a shoulder to cry on, her best friend,  _Kim Minji_ , exists.

 

"What's up with your family?" Minji doesn't know how the concern turns out to be so awkward, so unfeeling, so lack of affection but those were the most suitable words she could come up with at the moment.

 

"Told you it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

 

"So, are you going to continue to keep things to yourself?"

 

Minji hears the figure above shifts, the then sound of her nails clawing against the bedsheets engulfs her ears. She doesn't like that. She sinks deeper into the pillow, trying to tune the unbearable sounds and maybe, if she tries hard enough, she will also be able to tune out of the insecurity of not being good enough.

 

 _Not being good enough_.

 

"It's not that," Siyeon's voice drops. "I just don't feel like talking about it now."

 

"It's been a long time since we last had a nice talk, you know. Especially after you've gotten together with Bora, I barely get to see you. And you say we're best friend but you never tell me stuff," Minji's voice trails off as she reminisces about those days when she would fall asleep alone and when she woke up the next day, it was still the same sight of an empty bed that greeted her morning.

 

Being away from home is a constant battle with loneliness.

 

" _Ah_ , I get it," A playful glint twinkles in Siyeon's eyes, followed by a smirk. "You must have missed me, right?"

 

Minji rolls her eyes, subconsciously fending off any ideas that the girl is trying to put into her head. Rolling eyes has become her specialty now. Even so, she can't deny those words because what she has said is sort of true. She snorts, "I did until you opened your mouth."

 

Laughter fills the room, not sure for whatever reason, the situation itself is just funny. And for a moment, the mood appears to have been lifted and they are back to their old selves until Minji has to put an end to the laughing session, afraid that they will wake the others up. Because they can spend the whole night laughing if they want to.

 

A mischievous idea strikes Siyeon as she rises from the blanket and rolls her body downwards but Minji hasn't got enough time to make space for her in which her back ends up hitting onto Minji's knees. It hurts a lot and she almost let out a yelp, if not for the palm that has timely covered her mouth.

 

"Oh my god, Minji, are you  _fucking_  made of steel?" The victim whimpers, tears almost spilling out of her eyes.

 

Minji hastily rubs her palm gently down Siyeon's back, feeling a little guilty as she glimpses at the girl who is wincing in pain and she has to bite down onto her lips to prevent the muffled laughter from escaping, "Idiot."

 

"Stop calling me idiot!"

 

It is hilarious, it is ridiculous.

 

They have to stop laughing because it is close to midnight, everyone has to wake up early and go to work the next day. But when Minji lifts her head and her eyes catch onto Siyeon's, the scene just now flashes across her mind and she can't help but crack up again, titters escaping between every breath.

 

"I swear, if your mum suddenly comes into the room and scold us, it will be all your fault," Siyeon says.

 

"My mum isn't that fierce!"

 

Letting out a series of cough, Siyeon lays back down onto the mattress beside the occupant as she let her eyes rest, feeling a little worn out, mind deciding that she isn't going to return to the bed anymore. It is comfortable here, right by Minji's side. And Minji doesn't mind a bit.

 

"Oh god, I haven't laughed so hard for a long time."

 

MInji chuckles, her lungs hurt, "I know right."

 

"But-,"

 

The unfinished words stop, the joviality fades away, leaving the unnerving silence to linger in the air. But Minji is focused onto catching her breath and recollecting her thoughts instead and doesn't want to pursue further even though she won't mind listening if Siyeon wants to tell her more. She can listen to her all night even if it means losing sleep.

 

"I'm sorry," Siyeon speaks first, her voice feels warm against the cold air and Minji nods even though she isn't sure what the apology is for. "I never thought that you would mind," and she takes a deep breath, fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt, "It's just, I've never been good at expressing myself so it's kind of hard for me to talk about stuff like this."

 

Minji pushes the hair behind her, "It's okay."

 

"I love you, Minji," Siyeon confesses as she covers the blushes on her face with her palm, feeling shy. And the same goes for Minji who turns her gaze to the floor. "Even though I might not say it a lot but when I do so, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart."

 

"Oh..."

 

It is cheesy and it isn't like the girl at all to confess about the true feelings in her heart. Likewise, it isn't like Minji too, to be able to accept those words with an open heart. But they feel right coming out of Siyeon's mouth. Like she's meant to say them and Minji is meant to keep them.

 

"Wait, don't ruin the mood, let me finish."

 

"Okay," Minji complies.

 

"I feel grateful to have you in my life and I want you to know that you're someone whom I really cherish a lot. And I hope that our friendship will be able to go on for a very, very long time."

 

Minji stays quiet even though she feels the same way. She doesn't know what to say because after high school, within the span of three years, she has both lost and gained new friends along the way. She has seen through many things and eventually, she has come to an understanding that in life, people come and go. Some are meant to stay and some are meant to go.

 

So... what about Siyeon?

 

She is both anxious and afraid of their future.

 

"Hey, this is awkward, you should at least say something," Siyeon nudges her.

 

Minji breaks out of her thoughts with a raised brow, "Um, thank you, I guess?"

 

"Thank you? That's all? Really? After I poured out all my feelings to you?" Siyeon laments as she can't believe what she is hearing, her face scrunched up with dismay, mind filling regrets about baring her emotions to her best friend. 

 

" _Aish_ , you know this is really embarrassing for me too." Minji admits.

 

A string of suppressed laughter fills Minji's ears and she feels her cheeks burning up. Oh god, she shouldn't have said that because the girl is going to tease her about it all night and she definitely isn't going to let her hear the end of it.

 

"So, you're like me too. We're the same."

 

"No? Of course not," Minji quickly denies and scoots away from the girl, pulling the only blanket closer to her side. "You're terrible, who would want to be like you?"

 

"Why not? I'm so kind and undeniably pretty. Everyone falls for me."

 

"Yeah, more like they fall over you."

 

Minji learns a lot about Siyeon that night. Like how she grew up every day watching her parents fighting with each other, like how she would run away from home to spend the night at the internet cafe, like how she had met her first girlfriend who was working part-time there, like how they were so in love and clinging onto each other all day, and how everything fell apart as quickly as it started because the long distance relationship was getting harder to keep them alive.

 

"To think that I still continued to work in the convenience store so that I could buy the train ticket to visit her during the weekend. That was really foolish and naive of me." Siyeon rants. No wonder Siyeon always came back to the dorm so late every day.

 

"I've been meaning to ask... What is it about Bora? Like, what do you like about her?"

 

"You don't need any reason to love someone, do you?"

 

"Oh," Minji is grossed out. She tells herself that she is never going to be this way if she ever gets into a relationship in the future. "Cut those mushy stuff out. It's disgusting, to be honest."

 

Siyeon let out a grumble and hits onto Minji's shoulders lightly before breaking into a smile, a blissful one, "Well, she's nice and fun to be around with."

 

"And?" Minji encourages and scoots closer, knowing that there's more to it.

 

"And... we share the same interests, we have similar eating habits, we like the same movie genre. Oh, and someone said that it's a good thing that we're both talkative so that we don't have to worry about running out of topics to talk about. Can you imagine us trying to get our thoughts across to each other with those fallen teeth when we've become grannies? That would be hilarious..."

 

Minji lays onto her side, her hands supporting her head and she listens quietly as her best friend continues on with her stories. Her gaze falls upon the dark eye circle under Siyeon's eyes and Minji wonders if hers are as deep, probably deeper, as much as the time she has spent on missing her. Then, her eyes trace the silhouette of her face, down to her nose, to her lips, meticulously taking in every feature. She finds the girl endearing, her mind in awe because how can anyone look so beautiful even when she's talking about someone else?

 

But her eyelids are drooping lower and Minji finds herself drifting further and further away from her consciousness. She will have to think about the question another time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four years have passed in a blink of an eye and graduation comes surprisingly quicker than Minji has thought. Life after college is full of fog and Minji is lost already. She thought that she already had her life planned out but now, standing at the crossroad, she doesn't know where to head for next.

 

When Yoohyeon joins an engineering company as an intern, Minji follows suit.

 

The location is a little secluded but the environment looks decent and the people there seem easy-going. The working hours are a little long though and aside from an experiment that Minji is allowed to assist with, she soon finds herself doing many things that often carries no meaning.

 

Alone in the room that she has rented with Yoohyeon, and Yoobin would visit occasionally, Minji would often do nothing except for staring at her phone, pining on the hope that it would ring or at least, blink up at a text message from a certain someone. But she receives none. It was only when she learns from Yoohyeon that Siyeon has broken up with Bora, Minji initiates a text in which they share a brief conversation. 

 

That's the last time she has heard from the girl. She didn't text her back and Minji doesn't want to be the first one to do so.

 

So, when the new intern at her workplace asks her out for dinner, Minji doesn't reject, even though at the back of her mind, she knows that this isn't just a friendly dinner especially with the way the wide smile is glued onto his face. 

 

He is nice, humble and caring. A total gentleman and a good listener, sometimes a little goofy, she later discovers and it somehow reminds her of Siyeon in a way.

 

Minji went out with him a lot - for the firstdate, the second date, the third date and then, somewhere around the forth one, she doesn't wait for Siyeon anymore. Her desire takes over and she gives in. She doesn't pull away when the inching hand grabs hers and when he leans in to place a kiss on her cheeks, his eyes slowly falling onto her lips, Minji doesn't hesitate to kiss him back with the same intensity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji has always considered Daejeon as her home. She has spent more than half of her lifetime there, known many people, made many friends and formed many close relationships with her neighbours, especially those _ahjumma_ and _ahjuss_ i who have watched her grown up.

 

Which is why, she never thought that one day, she would settle down in Seoul, a city far away from home (although it is just a two-hour bus ride). There are better opportunities here and of course, Minji knows that everyone strives for a better future. Also, that's the only way she can fulfil the promise that she has made - find a well-paid job, buy a house and give her family a good life.

 

"Still not going home?"

 

A tap on her shoulders veers her attention away from the slides that she has been doing for tomorrow's report. She takes a quick glance at the time and realises that it is a little past six. Time will never be enough.

 

"Soon, soon," Minji turns her chair around, accidentally sending the wrappers of the crackers that she has eaten just now flying onto the ground. She watches as her supervisor chases after tham and throws them into the bin after picking them up. "Oh, thanks," Minji says as she stretches her tired arms, immediately noticing the look of concern. "I swear, just two more slides and I will be done."

 

"Those crackers are unhealthy," her supervisor comments.

 

_Perks of having a mum of two daughters as her supervisor._

 

Minji chuckles, thinking about how her supervisor once mentioned that she would never let her daughters eat them. But she seems to have brought that rule into the office by mistake. "Okay,  _mum_ , I will cut down on them."

 

"You better do so."

 

Minji has always been the family's pride, always scoring well for exams and earning praises from the adults for her good behaviour. Now, at the age of twenty-eight, she has an established career with a stable income. People around her thinks that her life is successful, is perfect and she, herself would think so too.

 

But after a hectic (or not really) day at work, she would often find herself wandering along the river just below her office, blending perfectly into the crowd of people that filled the night street. The city lights illuminate the dark sky and sometimes, she would sit down on the bench with a sandwich that she has bought from the convenience store as she stares blankly into the relfection of those tall buildings opposite the river.

 

It is getting late but Minji doesn't want to return to the empty apartment especially knowing that no one will be there to greet her home after a long day outside.

 

So, she stays and watches quietly as faces after faces pass by, many with friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, as if they are mocking at her misery. Minji looks up into the sky, trying to find some comfort but there isn't any stars tonight, only glints of loneliness.

 

The day comes to an end quickly and abruptly.

 

And Minji begins wondering when she would learn to fall asleep without thinking about a certain someone in her head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Take this and if mum asks, just tell her that I got a bonus this month. There's extra money inside so ask dad to see a doctor and get his back treated," Minji says as she sweeps the envelope across the table to Minju, whose legs are shaking vigorously under the table.

 

Minji has to put a hand on her thigh to stop the motion. And she shakes her head, wondering when would her sister learn to be more feminine. Her mum must have nagged about it too.

 

"Unnie, you do know that the money's gonna go down into the drain because dad's back won't recover unless he stops driving," Minju says, her eyes peeking into the thick stack of notes inside the envelope.

 

The eatery that her parents are running isn't receiving much interest and except for a handful of returning old time customers, the store is nearly empty all the time. So, her dad has to turn driving cab into his full time job. But Minji doesn't understand, she is fully capable of providing for them but her dad wouldn't listen when she asked him to quit, claiming that he would get bored if he idles at home every day.

 

Minji inadvertently sighs, knowing that whatever she is going to say isn't going to make any difference anyway. So, she says nothing, her mouth gulping down onto the noodle soup that she has ordered but the broth is too salty and it is making her mouth dry. Raising her hand, she calls for the waitress to serve her some canned drinks.

 

"So, how long are you going back for this time?" Minji asks, knowing that there will be an upcoming term break.

 

"Around three weeks, I guess."

 

Minji raises a brow, "What about the remaining one week?"

 

"My classmates are planning for a class trip to Busan. The class's fund has been laying in the dust for a while now already, might as well use it," Minju says, putting her chopsticks down, eyes boring onto the way Minji is devouring down the food, finishing every bit of the leftover soup. And she moves her gaze to her own bowl which is still almost full.

 

The food here isn't even nice. It is overrated, so much for the western-asian fusion hype.

 

"Cool. Are you going to the beach?"

 

Minju nods, grinning excitedly at the thought of the first class trip, even if it's just in the country. "Yeah, we're going to many other places too like the aquarium, the temple and the cultural village. Might be visiting the market too if we have the time. Apparently, they want to save a day or two for shopping."

 

"Mmm, stay safe. Don't get yourself into unnecessary trouble, okay?"

 

"Spare me the nag, unnie. I'm already twenty, a college student."

 

Minji lets out a chuckle at how her sister has really grown up. She used to be this little, just barely reaching her waist but now, they are almost the same height. Even so, she knows that she will never see her little sister as an adult. In her eyes, she will forever be a baby.

 

"Anyway," Minji opens the can of green tea and inserts a straw into the drink, offering it to Minju, who declines. "Just go back home more often if you have the time. Mum and dad must have missed you a lot."

 

"I should be the one saying that, unnie. When are you going back? You haven't visited them for almost a year now. I'm sure they are going to ask me about you again when I go back this time. They always asked."

 

"Well, that's because I'm bu-,"

 

"Busy, I know," Minju interrupts and completes the sentence before she can even finish them. And Minji let out a smile, relieved that her sister understands. "You're always busy."

 

"Glad that you know, I can't apply for leave now, still have a few projects on my hand and there's a new batch of intern coming in soon. Tell them that I will go back next time when things are better," Minji explains.

 

"But, unnie, a few months ago, you also said next time."

 

"Did I?" Minji doesn't remember.

 

"Yeah, I really don't get it though."

 

"What do you not get it?" Minji asks.

 

"Why do you people always like to say 'next time', 'next time', and then go on to forget all about it? Like how my high school friends always tell me 'see you next time' but I haven't heard from them since then. I guess, it's a really convenient phrase to use, huh?" Minju gives a shrug on her shoulders as she unknowingly answers her own doubts.

 

Minji lowers her head, cleaning her mouth with a napkin as she ponders those words over and over again. She knows that her sister isn't blaming her but she still can't help but feel that way. The guilt creeps up onto her and tugs at her conscious, feeling embarrassed and ashamed that a fully grown adult had to be lectured about filial piety by her own sister, who is almost ten years younger.

 

It is ironic.

 

As the sky darkens, after they have grabbed some ice-cream by a random stall on the roadside, Minju has to rush back to the dormitory before the gate closes by midnight. And Minji bids goodbye to her sister, ruffling her hair, reminding her to be careful as she dashes across the road for the bus that is about to depart the stop.

 

When Minji finally gets home, she stares at the wall calendar, flipping through pages after pages. And she sighs. Soon, she tells herself, she will find a date soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji didn't usually like to be surprised, especially when it is a huge surprise, like the party that Yoohyeon had organised for her for her twenty-fifth birthday. Which was why, whenever her birthday was nearing, she would always tell her friends to simply wish her a 'happy birthday' or write a card for her. She dislikes complexity and prefers to keep things simple.

 

So, when the doorbell suddenly rings in the middle of the night, persistently, Minji is baffled because why would there be anyone looking for her at this hour? It takes her a few more rings and a few more persuades in her head before she manages to overcome the reluctance of getting out of the comfy bed.

 

The door opens, revealing a black-haired woman, clad in a denim overall and the blue coloured luggage behind her isn't overlooked. Minji never thinks that there would come to be a time when she would regret about her decision greatly. If there has to be a moment to prove her wrong, this will be one.

 

"Hi, Minji," The same wide smile that she hasn't seen for a long time greets her and those eyes that have locked onto hers immediately dissolved into crescents. It feels like a dream. "Long time no see."

 

For the first time in many years, Minji feels her heart skips a beat. She can't say anything; the wordless distraught is stuck in her throat and her mind is caught in a frenzy. The whole scene is too much to take in. Just why?  _Lee Siyeon._ What is she doing here after so many years? What does she want?

 

"Earth to Minji, are you going to let me in?"

 

"Yeah, hi, of course, come in," Minji stutters a little but she still gives her best smile as she invites the woman into the house. And she momentarily notices the new hairstyle that the woman has gotten and she thinks that it complements her facial features better than the previous one. "Um, how did you get here?"

 

Siyeon takes her shoes off and Minji helps her with the luggage, " _Ah_ , thanks," and the latter pulls it to a stop just beside the sofa. "I asked Yoohyeon for your address and she gave it to me. Hope you don't mind or something," The woman says, looking around the house in awe. "Nice house by the way."

 

"Thanks."

 

Of course Minji won't mind. Even after Siyeon reveals her intention to borrow a night of stay at her house, she doesn't reject. She is more than willing to help her out. Just like if Yoohyeon or Yoobin, or any other friends who suddenly shows up at her house, she will also do the same. Like what Yoohyeon has always told her, far away from home in a foreign city, they have to take care of one another.

 

This is just like helping an old friend, Minji convinces herself.

 

"The bathroom is in the kitchen and if you're hungry, there's some leftover food in the fridge."

 

Busy footsteps shuffle across the house as Minji helps Siyeon settles down into the guest room that used to be occupied by her sister when she came to Seoul before her college started. It is only after countless words of assurance from Siyeon, telling that she would find her way around, and after the sound of the running water in the shower echoes, Minji retreats to her own room, preparing to turn in for the night. But she still keeps her eyes open, just in case the guest needs something else. And she eventually falls asleep with the lights still on and her phone left uncharged.

 

When Minji wakes up the next morning, feeling grumpy as usual, the intruder is long gone, leaving behind only a plate of ham and omelette (which looks a little burnt to be honest). She opens the fridge to find the remaining eggs missing and there's a can of opened ham that is poorly covered. Then, she sees a blue post-it note attached to the plate: 

 

_Thanks for last night and sorry for leaving first. Work. Gotta rush. I'll text you again soon, okay?_   
_P.S. My culinary skill has improved, don't you think so? <3_

 

And Minji agrees with the woman for the first time when she takes a bite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"A biotechnologist? So, you continued biomedical?"

 

Siyeon's promised text comes very late - many days, almost a week after their unexpected meeting. And Minji becomes anxious, almost regretting about her decision of wanting to accept the girl's return back into her life again.

 

"Yeah, I have a degree after all. Shouldn't let those four years of studies go to waste," Minji hands the cup of water over to the guest, placing her own onto the coffee table as she sits down on the sofa perpendicular to where Siyeon is sitting at.

 

" _Ah_ , of course you would. You're Kim Minji, one of the top scholars in the director's list after all. You will do well wherever you go." If Minji doesn't know Siyeon, she would think that she is being sarcastic.

 

And she smiles faintly, thinking fondly about how Siyeon and her group of friends, especially Yoohyeon, used to make fun of her because of that. Back then, there was a rumour about how a particular girl had gotten into the director's list because she slept with her professor. Thinking about it now, it seems ridiculous.

 

"We all need to make a living. So if it pays well, why not?" Minji says.

 

"True, true. You know how we used to talk about not giving up on our dreams even though I didn't have one but in the end, it's money that's keeping us alive. Bills after bills are literally sitting at home waiting for me to clear."

 

"Life of an adult."

 

"More like a poor peasant," Siyeon chuckles and brings the cup to her mouth, letting the faltering laughter drown into the drinking water. It is then Minji realised how much she has missed hearing them.

 

The time on the clock continues to tick and the motion of Siyeon's mouth doesn't stop. She just keeps on talking and talking, to a point that Minji actually thinks that she is chasing after the minute hand. And the assertiveness in the voice, as if she is trying to ease whatever void or tension that is left between their words, is starting to bug her mind. She doesn't even know where they have come from.

 

Then, her eyes fall onto the distance between them and everything makes sense.

 

"What about you?" Minji asks as she shifts uncomfortably in her seat, trying to not sound too concerned about the woman's well-being.

 

"Me?"

 

"Yeah, like, what do you do?"

 

It is intriguing how their conversation is still lurking around the tip of the iceberg.

 

"Oh my god, Minji, you don't know how terrible the job hunting went. I wish I had listened to you back then," Siyeon says with her gaze on Minji and the latter actually thinks that those eyes are full of admiration. She must be thinking too much. "Maybe if I had studied harder, I wouldn't have met with so many rejections. They either want a good GPA or experience." And she snaps her fingers, "Fortunately, I still manage to find a job though with that lousy grade."

 

"So, what's exactly the job that you've found?" Minji repeats the unanswered question, reminding the woman about how she has gotten side-tracked again.

 

"You will be surprised," Siyeon says. "I fly around."

 

"A pilot?"

 

"Of course not, I'm not that good." Siyeon shakes her head in disbelief because Minji actually thinks that she is capable enough to make it onto the pilot's seat. "Not even close," And she smiles inwardly, maybe it isn't a bad thing. "I'm just a flight attendant."

 

That explains why Siyeon only got into contact with her after so many days.

 

"I see. So, you've been flying all these whiles? Since graduation?" Minji is indeed surprised because she can't fathom the thought of the woman being in the service line and dealing with difficult passengers. She thinks that being a pilot might make more sense.

 

"Yeah, I was in Busan previously, mostly flying to neighbouring countries, like Shanghai and Osaka, and now they put me back in Seoul, for god knows what reasons," Something about the trailing voice tells Minji that the woman isn't feeling so thrilled about returning. And she can only wonder.

 

"I heard that it pays well."

 

"Mmm, the pay is the gem," Siyeon nods with a grin, "If not, I wouldn't have taken up the job." Then a frown shows up immediately after that. "But it's very tiring though and I just started taking up long routes. Jet lags. Shouldn't have accepted that."

 

"You can travel to more places."

 

"Sure but it does get boring."

 

"It's called a job for a reason."

 

There is a moment of silence as Siyeon leans sideways onto the armrest, her head resting onto her palm and Minji thinks that she sees a tinge of sadness across her face before it is quickly replaced by a smile. After all these years, she is still not good at hiding her emotions. "I think it's still hard for me to get used to it," Siyeon murmurs. "You know, the concept of being an adult."

 

 _Concept of being an adult._ Minji never had the chance to dwell deeper into the deciphering but in the midst of the never-ending hustle and bustle, she thinks that it is a mixture of spending countless nights in loneliness and not having enough time to do whatever one wants.

 

"I think everyone feels the same."

 

"I know but sometimes, especially when you finally got a break from work and were just doing nothing, you would accidentally think too much into those thoughts. And then, I don't know how or why, your emotions would suddenly become much more significant than anyone else's."

 

"I understand but it's just a phase. You will get over it."

 

"You think so?"

 

"Mmm," Minji nods, suddenly feeling the urge to grab the woman's hands and assure her that everything will be alright. But the rational part of her brain tells her not to and she will listen. "Just keep yourself busy throughout the day. When you're burnt out, you'll have no more effort to think about anything else."

 

"Makes sense. You always know what to do, Minji," The pair of eyes won't stop staring into hers and Minji has a really bad premonition about it. Especially when she has a long history of her heart being messed around by Siyeon. "But since I have you here with me now, I guess you won't mind taking care of another poor soul, right?"

 

"I... actually mind. Unless you're willing to pay me."

 

Siyeon pulls a face and pouts, "Ow, you're still as mean as ever."

 

"Only to you."

 

"But, you know, Minji," The way her name rolls off Siyeon's tongue with the familiarity like how she owns it tugs at Minji's heartstring, she misses that but she isn't sure if she wants to hear the rest of what she is going to say. "Seeing you again feels great. It makes me feel like I'm back in college all over again. And  _damn_ , I really miss those days."

 

Perhaps Minji shouldn't doubt her words, perhaps she should embrace her return with an opened arms because everyone deserves a second chance. Then again, she would be reminded of how Siyeon suddenly disappeared in her life without any words and leaving Minji constantly worrying about what she has done wrong over the years. The irresponsibility on her side irks her and she didn't want to admit but her absence actually hurts her more than it should.

 

And she doesn't like how Siyeon could casually pick up the fragments from the past and talk about them as if nothing has ever happened before. It is unfair.

 

Still, Minji forces a smile, "Yeah, me too."

 

Minji wanted to get angry, she wanted to demand answers from her but a beaming grin appears in her sight and everything suddenly feels right. The unsettledness diminishes. And she quickly shifts her gaze away from the smile, afraid that if she stares for too long at it, she will fall even deeper into the pit of unresolved feelings.

 

"It's getting late. I think I should go," Siyeon's voice breaks Minji out of her strings of thoughts as the woman stands up, running her palms down her skirt to smoothen the crease between the folds.

 

And Minji stands up, a little later, pursing her lips with her hands idled on both sides before her palms move to rub against the fabric on her thigh. "Right," she nods. "You're flying tomorrow?"

 

"Nope, that's why I can be here catching up with you," Siyeon says, lifting the cup to her mouth to gulp down the remaining water. "By the way," her finger loops its way between the handle, swinging the empty cup from side to side, "Where do I put this?"

 

"Oh, it's okay. Just put it down. I will wash it later."

 

Minji watches carefully as Siyeon had a brow raised, her expression go through different phases of hesitation before settling onto an understanding smile. "Mmm, alright then. Thanks."

 

Picking up her bag, Siyeon heads to the door and Minji doesn't forget to scan her eyes over the couch, in case the woman has left anything behind. She didn't. Then, she follows after Siyeon and her eyes catches onto the name card that she had given to the woman earlier on. A line of wrinkles has formed at the edge and she thinks that Siyeon must have caused it by repeatedly folding it. Old habits die hard.

 

"So," Siyeon halts a step away from the door and turns around, the lingering gaze falls onto Minji's wavering one. "I'll see you again?" The hopeful tone in her last word can't help but give Minji some ideas. 

 

"Why not? When we're both free, I guess?"

 

"Good to hear that."

 

The chilly air blows into her face and Minji almost shivers, hugging her arms closely against her chest. Peering over at the darkened sky, she starts to wonder if Siyeon will be able to make it to the subway station in time for the last train. A nagging voice in her head is harping onto her mind, insisting that she should ask the girl if she wants to stay the night instead.

 

"Alright, I really need to go now. Thanks for tonight."

 

But between the shifting dilemma of asking Siyeon to stay or letting her leave, the fading footsteps are faster than her thoughts being put into action. Minji watches on as Siyeon turns away from her, her back distancing further and further away from her until the end of the corridor, along with the clicking of her heels, until she is completely out of sight.

 

In the end, Minji still did nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They meet up a lot - for movies, for lunch and dinner, or sometimes just hanging out in Minji's house, doing nothing but wasting the whole day away. And every time Siyeon comes back from a trip, she never fails to bring back souvenirs for her. Chocolates, local snacks, scarfs, purses, keychains...

 

Minji already told Siyeon that she doesn't need any of these but the woman still insisted. And she can't stop wondering just what all of these truly mean. One thing that she is certain however, is that Siyeon's return has brought back the long-lost joy that she has been trying to find, as if a missing part of her life has been filled up. No more toss and turn on the bed, no more late nights spent outside.

 

"You look happier these days," her colleague tells Minji one day when they are having lunch.

 

She smiles unknowingly, "Do I?"

 

"Yeah, there, that's it, you should smile more. Your smile is pretty, you know?"

 

And Minji thinks that maybe, she will leave things be for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently, being single at the age of twenty-eight is a huge deal. As if the pressuring during college wasn't enough, now, miles away across cities from each other, Minji's phone will still be ringing constantly with concerns about her love life from her mum. She even mentioned something about signing her up for a match-making session. It is ridiculous.

 

"Aren't you going to answer it?" Siyeons asks, attention unable to tear away from the buzzing of the vibrating phone which has been going off for a while already.

 

"It's just my mum. I will call her back later."

 

"What if it's something important?"

 

The buzzes stop and Minji switches her phone to airplane mode, putting it aside with the screen facing downwards as her attention returns to the question. The corner of her lips lifts upwards, thinking about clueless the woman is, "What can be more important than arranging a match-making session for her daughter?"

 

The tongs in Siyeon's hand is dropped and she bursts out laughing, her hand not ready to cover her mouth and the half chewed meat is spitted out, earning a look of disgust from the other woman. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry," she quickly grabs the napkin and cleans up the mess on the table before continuing laughing. She didn't think that match-making still exists in today's time. "You serious? You're not playing a prank on me, right?"

 

"I'm serious,  _idiot_. Stop laughing!"

 

"I can't believe this," Siyeon says as she takes a sip of water to catch her breath. "Wow, just wow," and she raises a thumbs-up, which only fuels Minji's displeasure further. "Eommonie is really something. I still remember what happened at your house. Is she really that eager to marry you off?"

 

Minji sighs and nods, "According to my mum, a woman after thirty is an old hag."

 

"Oh dear, then you only have two more years left. You better go for the match-making before you turn into one."

 

"No way, that's pathetic," Minji shakes her head. She thinks that match-making is for people who has either many failed relationships or can't find a partner because of whatever reasons. Neither of the categories fits her. She is fully capable of finding one, it's just a matter of whether she wants to or not.

 

"Yes, yes, go for it," Siyeon says enthusiastically. "Don't be shy. Who knows, you might be able to meet your prince charming who is willing to take in this old hag. Or even better, meet a rich guy and you don't have to worry about the rest of your life. You can even quit your job. I'm sure Eommonie will be very happy."

 

"That's enough, Lee Siyeon, I'm offended," Minji warns, lifting her chopsticks and is about to put the piece of chicken into her own mouth when she catches Siyeon's gaze trailing the food with an opened mouth, causing the couple from the neighbouring table to look at them weirdly. She quickly put it in the other's mouth and beckons her to come closer, not sure why there's an urge to whisper, "First, you laughed at my plight. Then now, you're actively encouraging me to go for it. What kind of best friend are you? Aren't you supposed to be helping me."

 

"Okay, okay," Siyeon swallows the food in her mouth, "Fine, if you want advice," And she clears her throat, trying to set up a serious mood. "Then give it a try. If it works out, then good for you, you find a potential husband. If not, at least your mum will stop bothering you about it. Either way, you got nothing to lose."

 

"What a brilliant idea you have there!" Minji scoffs, thinking that the woman will be better off not saying anything.

 

"Well, you said you wanted advice and I gave it to you."

 

Minji frowns and let her stare lingers at Siyeon's, a little unsure at the unusual advice, "Really? You think that I should go for it?"

 

"Uh huh, why not? You're single anyway."

 

And Minji has no words for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji listens to herself a lot. Call her stubborn or self opinionated, she doesn't like to heed advice from others. Because this is her life and she doesn't think that other people should have control on it. So, at this moment, she keeps on questioning the sanity in her head, thinking if she's crazy to actually listened to Siyeon's advice. Because how could she have agreed to this match-making session that readily without giving a second thought about it?

 

Yes, she is single, and he is single too, of course. And yes, he is really good-looking. But that is beside the point. The whole thing just doesn't feel right. Even when they are at this fancy restaurant, it still doesn't feel like she agreed to this from the bottom of her heart.

 

"Can I have one Spaghetti with Salsa and Mint Sauce?" Minhyuk (he introduces himself as Lee Minhyuk earlier) tells the waiter as he casts a concerned glance over to Minji, whose eyes seem to find it hard to settle on a dish. The names of the dishes are so foreigned perhaps as she is not used to Western Cuisine but she still has to act like she is okay with it.

 

"What will you like to have?" Minhyuk asks.

 

"I'm not sure though."

 

"It's okay, take your time. No rush."

 

Minji put her fingers under her chin as she browses through the menu meticulously with a frown. Pasta is out of question for today, maybe she'll just have rice, "Hmm, I think I'll have a Caramelised Salmon with Rice."

 

"Okay, so one Spaghetti with Salsa and Mint Sauce and one Caramelised Salmon with Rice," The waiter repeats the order. "Any drinks for the two? Or do you want to top up your meal to a set? A set comes with the soup of the day, any drinks of your choice, all refillable except for wines, and a desert."

 

"Um-,"

 

A set seems too much and it sounds expensive too considering that she has a small appetite. She turns to her date who seems to look more confused than her at everything. 

 

They end up getting just the individual meals and two iced water when Minji suggested that she wouldn't be able to finish so many food. And with the way the grin is plastered onto Minhyuk's face, she figures that he must be singing the same sentiment. 

 

"So, I heard from my mum that you work in biomedical field?"

 

"Yeah," Minji nods after taking a sip of the iced water.

 

The food is slow but it allows Minji to take a proper look at her date again. Minhyuk wears glasses, he has a nice smile and is wearing a buttoned checkered shirt with his hair nicely gelled. He looks neat and well-dressed from head to toe but Minji can't help but notices how his hand is constantly tugging at the tie on his neck.

 

"What is it about? Like, what do you usually do in your job?" Minhyuk asks.

 

"Mostly things like researching, experiments, designs," And Minji pauses when she notices Minhyuk's neck turning red as he continues rubbing the same spot. "Um, you can take off the tie if you're uncomfortable with it." She says with a concerned look. "I don't mind."

 

"Can I? You're really okay with it?"

 

"Yeah, go ahead," Minji assures.

 

The hand that was tugging onto the tie goes to the knot to loosen it. Minji watches as Minhyuk exhales a deep breath of relief immediately after the entire tie is off from his neck. And he removes the top button of his shirt to breathe better. He seems to be contented and more relaxed without it.

 

"Oh my god, this is so much better," Minhyuk says, rolling the tie and keeping it into his shoulder bag. "I'm so sorry that you have to witness this. I'm a wedding photographer, you see. So, I seldom wear formal outfit."

 

" _Ah_ , I see. It's okay." Now it makes sense.

 

The rest of the date goes on smoothly and Minji is quickly amazed by how good Minhyuk is in leading the conversation. He talks about anything and everything; there is never a dull moment and Minji thinks that even though she isn't much of a people-person, she truly enjoys chatting with him. He surprises her further with his honesty and straightforwardness when he admits that this is his first time in a fancy restaurant and that if it wasn't his mum who had forced him to come, he wouldn't have done so. 

 

 _Same, same,_ Minji thinks.

 

And when night comes, after a quick walk by the river, Minhyuk has insisted to send Minji back home personally even though she had politely declined. He claims that it won't be safe for a lady to be roaming around the streets on her own late at night. She can't say no.

 

"Thanks for today's. It was nice knowing you," Minji says with a smile and shuts the car's door. 

 

Minhyuk gets down and follows along, "No problem. The same goes for you too. It's my honour to spend the evening with a beautiful lady like you." And Minji blushes because she usually hear these compliments behind her back rather than right in her face. "Shall I send you up?"

 

"No, no, it's okay," Minji stops the advances immediately and takes a step back, not wanting to trouble him any further. "I can go up by myself. You've done a lot already. I feel bad."

 

"Don't be, that's what a man is supposed to do," Minhyuk chuckles. "But okay, if the lady insists, I shall not impose you any further." And he returns to his car, "Hope you have a good night rest then. And, see you next time?"

 

Minji smiles, "Sure, goodnight to you too."

 

The day has been great. Turns out that a match-making session isn't as bad as Minji thought it would be like. Or maybe she is just fortunate to have met someone like Minhyuk. He is good-looking and comfortable to talk to. And Minji really appreciates the way his eyes kept searching for her gaze whenever she talked. It feels good to be taken care of, to be honest and she thinks that she can look forward to their second meeting.

 

Until she sees the familiar figure at her door and she is instantly thrown back into reality. Fishing her phone out, she finds a few missed calls and some unread messages. She has almost forgotten that the woman is coming over for a stayover tonight.

 

"Kim Minji, you're so late today," Siyeon says and leaps forward, a little too impatiently and she stumbles forward when she misses her step, almost falling off her balance if not for the pair of arms that have caught her timely. "Oh thank god, I nearly disfigure myself."

 

"Be careful, will you?" Minji chides.

 

The door is unlocked and lights are on. Minji places the set of keys back into the key holder and watches as Siyeon lays herself comfortably onto the couch like she always did whenever she came over, a loud _thud_  echoes in the air, and the luggage stays by the door because the woman always borrowed Minji's pajamas anyway. Their sizes are similar but Siyeon would occasionally question her choice of design.

 

"I saw that, Minji." Siyeon suddenly sits up and says with a smirk. "That guy downstairs."

 

Minji blinks her eyes in confusion, looking lost for a moment before she catches up onto the woman's words, "Oh, that." She paces around the countertop with her back turned, not sure if she should be honest with Siyeon. "He is Lee Minhyuk. He is the guy that I went to meet with for the match-making."

 

"Oh, so you really went for it." Siyeon sounds surprised.

 

"Yeah," Minji says nonchalantly. "Because you told me to?" And she turns around to find Siyeon staring at her with an unreadable expression. And Minji does the same. Then, she doesn't know where the tension comes from but she suddenly feels the need to explain herself, afraid that the woman will misunderstand. "But this is just the first date. We're just getting to know each other better."

 

"Oh, I see..." Siyeon nods and breaks into a wide smile. "Good for you then."

 

"Yeah, he's quite a nice guy."

 

And Siyeon surprises Minji with her abnormality when she strolls over to Minji's side and links their arms together, acting all chummy before dragging her towards the same couch with her. The clinginess reminds Minji of how the woman used to be like in college whenever she was trying to get something out of her except that she doesn't know what it is this time, "So... care to tell me more about what is nice about him?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

They exchange texts a lot. They also went out a lot.

 

Minji was hesitant at first because she doesn't want to be the type of person who neglects her best friend over someone who she hasn't known for a long time just because he is a potential boyfriend. She feels guilty especially when she has already cancelled a few of their dates for Minhyuk's. But every time she asks Siyeon, the woman says that she doesn't mind and only further encourages her with an assuring grin, saying that she shouldn't let the opportunity slips by.

 

"I'll come pick you up in about ten minutes' time," Minji vaguely hears Minhyuk says over the phone, her focus slightly distracted when Siyeon comes into her room and jumps onto the bed, her body all sprawled out, eyes catching onto the pink turtleneck dress and the black blazer jacket.

 

"You there, Minji?"

 

"Oh, yeah," Minji breaks the eye contact with the woman who is now shaking her head and putting the clothes that she has prepared to wear out back into the wardrobe before continuing to ransack her belongings. She stops the moving hand and brings the phone closer to her ear. "Sure, I'll be ready by then." 

 

"Take your time, Minhyuk-ssi! Minji isn't ready yet. She is still-,"

 

Minji quickly hangs up after muttering a quick 'see you', "What the?" And her expression distorts further when Siyeon pries herself off her grip and picks out the only sleeveless dress among the others that she had bought out of impulse when she went shopping with her colleague the other day. She regretted badly.

 

"No, this is too body-hugging."

 

"But you got a great figure, why are you so afraid to show it?" Siyeon questions as she flashes the piece of dress against Minji with a satisfied grin.

 

Has she been checking her out?

 

Minji looks into the mirror at herself, meeting Siyeon's encouraging gaze and somehow ends up partially agreeing with what the woman has said. Maybe the time has come for her to try something new.

 

"There you go," Siyeon compliments and pats her butt after Minji put the dress on. "See, you're so pretty now."

 

When Minhyuk arrives at the doorstep to pick Minji up, Siyeon pushes her forward and urges for her to go ahead and enjoy the date after reminding the man with a glare to take care of her best friend along the way. The wide smile never leaves Siyeon's face as she waves her goodbye and watches her best friend go.

 

And Minji smiles.

 

Maybe she is just thinking too much.

 

Except that when Minji comes back home from the date, every time, no matter how late it was, she never fails to find the woman still here, and she assumes that she is waiting for her even though she had already fallen asleep on the couch. And she would grab a spare blanket from her room and drape it across the woman's body, which sometimes causes her to wake up and move into Minji's room.

 

Still, Minji doesn't know what to make out of this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"... And then there was this one time when an old couple who has been married for many years came up to our studio, saying that they want to re-shoot their wedding photos in the exact same location that they did fifty years ago. The wife was having difficulties walking so her husband just held her hand for the whole time. You won't believe..."

 

Minji doesn't like to be rude for no reason especially when she is out on a date with someone whom she has to leave a good impression on. Minhyuk has invited her to a wedding shoot that he has taken up and she thinks that it was interesting, considering that she has never been to one before. The dandelion field felt nice, the bride was pretty and the shoot wrapped up smoothly but none of them is able to take away the worries in Minji's head.

 

Because she hasn't seen Siyeon for close to a week. The woman hasn't replied to her texts and all her calls have been left unanswered. And she becomes frantic again, her thoughts gone wild, afraid that something bad has happened to her best friend because she was never out of contact for that long. And another part of her starts to think if she is somehow angry at her? Is it because she has been spending too much time with Minhyuk recently?

 

Minji is out with someone else and honestly, she loves hearing Minhyuk talk but all she can think about is Siyeon, Siyeon and Siyeon at the moment. And she isn't liking it so far. 

 

"You keep on staring, makes me feel like you're not listening. Are my stories boring you?"

 

Minhyuk's words break Minji out of her trance as she catches onto the slight unhappiness in his voice, "Oh, no, I'm so sorry." And she grits her teeth and rubs the back of her neck apologetically, "I was thinking about something else."

 

"You don't have to apologise. I was just joking."

 

Minji is relieved but she still feels sorry, "If you don't mind, what were you saying again?"

 

"Nothing really important, I was just sharing some unique stuff I've experienced through my photography career but never mind about that," Minhyuk lets out a warm smile and crosses his arms before turning to Minji with a pair of concerned glance. "Wanna share what's on your mind instead? Maybe I can help?"

 

The offer seems tempting.

 

"Nah," Minji lies, a little too tired to explain further. "It's just some work related stuff."

 

"Too much of it?"

 

Minji sighs and nods, "Could be."

 

Lying isn't Minji's forte because she can already tell from Minhyuk's delayed expression that he is not believing her words. Still, she is thankful that he doesn't probe further, "Since the lady is feeling tired, let's just call it a night for now. I'll send you home."

 

"No, it's okay, I-,"

 

"Don't worry, the movie opens until the end of the month. We can watch it another day."

 

Minji is about to protest again when Minhyuk sheds himself out of his outer wear and brings it around her arms before grabbing her hands and taking her away from the cold night. The car ride is quiet until Minhyuk cracks an old joke, something about a mouse and a duck, which Minji thinks it's really funny (Although he isn't as funny as Siyeon but she doesn't mind). Then, he shows her a magic trick. The atmosphere lightens up and the thought of Siyeon is momentarily thrown to the back of her head. They end up having a warm dessert by the roadside before heading home.

 

But, at the end of the day, when Minji is all alone in her room, it's still the thought of Siyeon that keeps her up all night until she eventually runs out of consciousness and drifts off to dreamland.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It takes three more days when Siyeon finally calls Minji back (and it takes a lot of restrains for her to not scream into the phone), voice filled with fatigue, explaining that she has to go back to Daegu to attend her grandmother's funeral who has passed away due to a heart attack, in which the latter feels relieved because at least she is safe and sound, and that nothing bad has happened to her.

 

And it takes another two more days, after a full afternoon of pacing around in her own house, after many failed attempts of trying to get the unnecessary thoughts out of her head, for Minji to realise that this whole situation isn't fine at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Minji? You didn't tell me that you're coming."

 

Those are the first words that Minji hears right out of Siyeon's mouth over the span of two weeks as soon as the door is opened after relentless rounds of pacing up and down outside her rented apartment. Siyeon must have been very surprised because it is late at night and both of them have work the next day. But Minji can't take it anymore; she has had enough. She needs to see the woman. She needs answers. No more playing around, no more guessing and hiding and no more running around in circles.

 

"Why did you come back?" Minji asks, lifting her head to meet Siyeon's gaze and she has never regretted her action so badly because all that greets her sight is a pair of puffy eyes. She hates all the more that she can easily see through the sadness that the woman is hiding beneath the facade. It makes the confrontation even harder.

 

"Huh?"

 

Nevertheless, Minji asks again, this time with more certainty, "I said, why did you come back?" And she presses her palm against the door just in case the woman is thinking about backing away and closing another door on her again. Because this time, she is not going to let her.

 

"Wh-what? You came all the way here just to ask me this? You know already, don't you?"

 

The easy tone in her voice, whether Siyeon is really clueless or trying to brush off the topic, put her off. And the fact that the woman is still all smiles in the midst of her own confusion as if everything is alright when in fact, it's not, doesn't settle well in her heart.

 

So, Minji struts her way into the apartment voluntarily, tossing her shoes off on the way before sitting down onto the couch with folded arms, not caring if Siyeon actually wants her to be here or not. It doesn't matter. Because if the woman wants to play a fool, Minji can play along with her all night, "You know what I am talking about."

 

There's an ominous silence that has quickly engulfed them, so quiet and the air so stiffened that even though Minji isn't the offender in the interrogation, she still finds it hard to breathe. Then, the door shuts and Minji turns around at the creaking sound. She watches as the smile on the other woman's face falters and she holds her gaze against Siyeon's wavering one, as if she is daring her to come closer. Because aside from the uncertainty, no matter how much she tries, Minji can't see through her thoughts this time. So, Minji only waits, and waits and waits as she continues to show her determination.

 

But Siyeon is stubborn. And she remains unmoved.

 

Minji let out a deep sigh and wraps her head around her arms in frustration, "I don't get it." And she chuckles as if she is mocking herself, "I really don't."

 

Siyeon lowers her head.

 

"You think that the world revolves around you, don't you? You think that you can tell me how much you wish for us to go on for a long time and the next moment, you proceed to take off and  _boom_ , you're gone. Just like that. No texts, no calls, no explanations. Nothing at all. And then, six years later, you think you can come back into my life as if nothing has ever happened before."

 

And Siyeon stays silent, knowing all too well that she can't escape anymore.

 

"You left, didn't you? Then don't come back anymore. Why did you still come back?" Minji says, desperate for the long overdue explanation even though she isn't sure if the answer will be what she is looking for.

 

"Because I miss you, Minji."

 

"No, no," Minji hasn't expected Siyeon to be that honest but still, she shakes her head at the absurd answer, thinking about how foolish it will be for her to believe her words again when all the woman has been doing is letting her down. "You don't. You don't get to say that. If you missed me, you wouldn't have left me here all by myself all these years, spending days and nights trying to figure out just what went wrong."

 

"I didn't mean to," Siyeon fiddles with her fingers and tries to explain, her voice visibly shaking. "I really didn't mean to. It's just, I... I was going through a difficult time."

 

"What about me? Have you thought about how hard these six years have been for me? Where were you when I needed you the most?"

 

The sight of Minji in the brink of tears leaves Siyeon in a complete sense of helplessness. Because the woman is always prepared, always know what to do in tough situations. It's never like her to break down easily, just like how it's never like Siyeon to witness her vulnerable side that easily. And it wrenches her heart.

 

"I talked to Yoohyeon. I went to work and purposely stayed in the office or went for dinner with my colleagues till late at night just so that I can tire myself out and go to sleep the moment I reached home. I tried very hard to forget about you but you still managed to creep into my life. You wouldn't let me go even in my dreams. Then, just when I thought that things have gotten better, you come back and tell me that you miss me. And I have to worry about when you are going to leave again."

 

No more words are exchanged because Siyeon knows that no amount of explanations will be enough to make up for her mistake. So, Siyeon steps forward and comes up in front of Minji instead and kneels down, her hand lifting up to cup her face and she manages to catch the single teardrop that rolls down her cheek before it collides onto the floor. Just like how she will be willing to catch her if she ever falls.

 

"Tell me, just what am I supposed to do when all I can think about is you?" Minji pleads.

 

"I'm so sorry. I've never thought about hurting you."

 

Minji grabs onto the other's hand and laces their fingers together, glossy eyes staring straight into the others, sick and tired of hearing the same word. Everything is out now. There is no more secret. And then, she brushes her thumb against the soft skin, "Is it bad?"

 

"What is?" Siyeon whispers softly.

 

"That I still want you back in my life after all these years. Even after how much you've hurt me."

 

Siyeon doesn't answer, she only smiles but that is enough, Minji doesn't want to push her. Because they are going to take their time to fix whatever that's broken and to figure things out slowly, step by step, and pieces by pieces. Until they are sure of what they truly want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

October is a bloom of happiness - Siyeon's birthday, the birth of the newest addition to the Kim's family and the sudden announcement of Yoohyeon's wedding. They knew all the while that Yoohyeon would marry early but what isn't expected is that she would be the first one to do so.

 

Even Yoobin is surprised.

 

"Congratulations!"

 

The loud sound of the clinking glasses echoes in the restaurant and the table of six gulp down their jars of beer within seconds except for Minji and Yoobin who isn't good at handling alcohol. Minji shoots the latter a knowing grin when her boyfriend takes over the jar in her hand with a look of disapproval and replaces it with a cup of warm water. She thinks that Yoobin made the right decision to be together with Ilhoon.

 

"This is the invitation card," Sungjae stands up together with Yoohyeon who is hiding her shy face behind his back and hands each of them a pink envelope coupled with a red ribbon at the front. 

 

"There's still months left to the date. And I am giving all of you enough time to cancel every appointment that you are having on that day. Better show up and not disappoint me." Yoohyeon grumbles which is obvious, at least to Minji that her message is directed to Siyeon. And she is sure that the latter knows.

 

So, Minji interjects before the woman can even say a word, "Don't worry, Yoohyeon. I will make sure that Lee Siyeon shows up."

 

"What even."

 

Yoohyeon smiles, "Thanks, Minji unnie."

 

Gasps of amazement rises as the envelope is opened, revealing the floral laces that run along the top of the card. "Wow, this is really pretty," Yoobin voices out eagerly and Minji nods in agreement as Siyeon shows the elegant design to her.

 

"This is custom made," Sungjae says.

 

"Yeah," Yoohyeon points towards her fiance with a proud grin. "He is the one who draws the design."

 

"That's sweet," Siyeon remarks.

 

"Where did you do it? Is it expensive? I want a custom-made one for my wedding too," Yoobin says as she leans closer to Ilhoon.

 

"I'll give you the address later."

 

And Siyeon immediately nudges Ilhoon on his arms, "Hey, you heard that? Take a hint." Then, she smirks, "When are you going to propose to Yoobin?"

 

Minji's ears perks up at the question as she grins and joins in. "I am curious about it too."

 

"Umm..."

 

All of them burst into laughter at the awkward question and Minji instantly feels bad for the poor man who is trying hard to come up with a satisfactory answer under the gaze of many. Sungjae once suffered the same fate too under Siyeon's merciless mouth when they first started dating, Yoohyeon had told her before. 

 

"We've discussed before that we should build up our financial stability first before talking about marriage," Yoobin speaks up, her grip never leaves Ilhoon's arms.

 

"Yeah," Ilhoon nods.

 

"Look at you. You're already defending him when you're not even married to him yet." Siyeon continues to tease and she cheers inwardly at the blushes on Yoobin's face that screams victory.

 

"Unnie..."

 

"Aish, Lee Siyeon, just eat your food, you're talking too much," Minji says as she stuffs pieces of meat into Siyeon's mouth, trying to wipe that smug grin off her face. She learns no limit to her teasings.

 

"Wait, wait," Siyeon hastily pries off the hand that is feeding her non-stop with shock written all over her face. "What the? Kim Minji!" And she quickly bites onto the food and swallows them without them being fully chewed. "Don't act like you weren't teasing them about it just now too."

 

"I clearly wasn't."

 

"Yeah, right, whatever."

 

"Unnie, I haven't seen you two bicker for a long time. It feels nice honestly," Yoobin suddenly says. "Whenever we met up, it was never full attendance. I almost thought that you two fell out."

 

"See, even Yoobin thinks so," Yoohyeon's words break the dispute and Minji can feel the knowing grin that is shoved into her sight. "So Siyeon unnie and Minji unnie, everything is alright between you girls now? The two of you finally made up?"

 

"Oh, ya'll really fought?" Yoobin seems surprised. 

 

Minji has never told Yoohyeon anything that has happened between Siyeon and herself but she isn't surprised that the woman is aware of it. She always manages to read her mind easily as if her thoughts were bared for her. And she is thankful for all the times that Yoohyeon didn't probe further and only choose to stay by her side quietly. Because even so, those were more than enough.

 

"What are you talking about, Yoohyeon ah? Nothing happened. We have always been close. Right, Minji?" Siyeon says with a tone full of denial and her eyes fall onto the food in front of her.

 

"Uh huh," Minji rolls her eyes before sending Yoohyeon an assuring smile and then another one to Yoobin. "We're good, we're totally good."

 

"If you say so."

 

The rest of the night is spent with the four college friends reminiscing about some embarrassing events that had happened back then. Like how the door of their bathroom was broken and Minji had to endure that one whole week showering in the open with Siyeon's bed directly faced towards her. It has been fun and all until they are told to leave when the restaurant is closing up for the day.

 

And the lights in the streets turn dim, indicating that it's time to part ways.

 

"Take care, alright?" Minji says as she engulfs both Yoobin and Yoohyeon into a tight hug before letting go unwillingly and allowing Siyeon to do the same. "See you girls very soon."

 

"You too, Minji unnie. Remember that work can wait," Yoohyeon reminds as she casts Siyeon a side glance who is patting hard on Ilhoon's shoulders until she finally returns the same with a look of confusion on her face. "You have to eat properly," Yoohyeon continues when she has successfully catches Siyeon's attention. "Gastric is no joke."

 

Siyeon immediately turns towards Minji with a baffled look, "Oh, I never knew you have gastric."

 

"Now you know, unnie," Yoohyeon presses onto her shoulders. "Just help me look out for Minji unnie. I mean, just take care of each other, alright?"

 

"Mmm, of course I will."

 

Minji smiles, her gentle gaze pierces through the true intention behind Yoohyeon's action. This adds on to the list of things that she has to thank her for, "Now you're the naggy one, Yoohyeon."

 

"Right, her nagging has been getting worse and worse nowadays," Sungjae says as he wraps his arms around Yoohyeon, earning laughter from the other presence as the latter grumbles.

 

And when they finally bids goodbye after numerous lingering stares, leaving Minji alone with Siyeon who has suggested to take a walk around the area before heading home. All is silence except for the sound of the passing cars and the beeping of the traffic lights. They continue walking and walking as their bodies occasionally bump onto each other.

 

"A penny for your thoughts?" Minji breaks the silence when she finds the woman staring at the ground with a blank look as if she is thinking hard about something.

 

Siyeon inhales a deep breath, "Hmm..."

 

Minji watches on and waits for the woman to continue her sentence but her anticipation turns into dust when Siyeon says nothing. So, she encourages, "Just tell me already."

 

"Well," Siyeon begins to drag her feet against the concrete ground. "Not trying to sound possessive but Yoohyeon seems to know more stuff about you than me." And she purses her lips, "I mean, you told me before that I'm the closest person to you, you know." 

 

Even though Siyeon finishes off her words with a smile, Minji can still sense the hesitation that has escaped between every breath, as if she is debating whether she should be honest or not. Minji thinks that she has made the right decision though. The jealousy is an entertaining sight. Still, she keeps her cool and tries not to let the chuckle slips through the cracks. She doesn't want to embarrass the woman.

 

"We rented an apartment together for a period of time after graduation," Minji explains.

 

"I know, she told me that."

 

"But more importantly, Yoohyeon was there for me when you weren't. That's how we became really close. Which is something that I can never forget and will always be grateful to her for."

 

"Of course, of course, I understand," Siyeon nods eagerly as if she is trying to get past the topic quickly.

 

But Minji has no intention to stop the conversation. So, she continues and a smile automatically turns up onto her face at the thought of Yoohyeon, "A lot of time, I worry about her because as you know, she is always overly kind to the extent that people might take her for granted but ironically, during that period, she made me feel that it's actually nice to have someone to depend on during hard times."

 

"Mmm..."

 

"Yoohyeon... she is like a younger sister to me. That's why I feel really happy and comforted that she finally finds someone whom I believe will love her the same way she does."

 

"Oh, yeah," Siyeon chuckles and agrees. "Sungjae seems like a nice guy." And she smiles, this time a little wider and more genuine than before. "Ilhoon too."

 

"Yet you were scaring him so much just now."

 

"I was fulfilling my job as Yoobin's unnie. I had to make sure that he is treating our small bean right." 

 

Minji sneers, feeling ridiculous because Siyeon has never once acted like an 'unnie' figure to the both of them, "Forget about it. Yoobin can take care of herself better than you can take care of yourself."

 

"Hmm, that's kind of true," Siyeon says as she laughs it off.

 

"Tsk, silly."

 

A sudden cold breeze blows across Minji's face and sends shivers throughout her body. Not wanting to catch a cold, she quickly buttons up her coat and rubs her palm against each other before warming her cheeks up to stop her lips from trembling. Just as she is about to put her hands into her side pockets to hide away from the cold, she feels another hand grabbing onto hers and pulling her closer. The jerk causes her to stumble a little and she turns to Siyeon with a questioning look.

 

"You can depend on me too when you're tired," Siyeon says as she holds her gaze to the path ahead, too shy to look at the other in her eyes.

 

And Minji tries to fight back a smile in which she fails as she intertwines their hands together and gives it a light squeeze, subtly acknowledging Siyeon's effort. It's the first time she realises how much she yearns to hear those words. It's also the first time she realises how well their hands fit into each other's perfectly.

 

"Cool, I will accept your offer."

 

Minji watches as Siyeon's expression switches between a smile and a blank face within the span of seconds, as if she can't decide which emotions to portray, "So," She bites onto her lips, "Does this mean that I'm still the closest to you?"

 

"Maybe?" Minji answers with a raised brow teasingly, not wanting to give Siyeon a clearer picture. It's not a bad thing after all to let the woman have a taste of her own medicine.

 

"Mmm..."

 

The wind continues to blow as the path back home stretches into the dark night. And their hands continue to hold onto each other in the cold without letting go. Spring isn't even here yet but Minji can already feel the flowers in her heart starting to bloom.

 

Something like... a snow flower.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji has always thought of Siyeon and herself as polar opposites...  _not really_ , but while Minji would be sitting in the corner of the room quietly reading a book, Siyeon would be outside, everywhere, mingling with anyone that she could find in her sight until she got lost in the crowd, until Minji couldn't find her anymore.

 

The woman is like a wind - she come and go - as and when she likes, just like how she would suddenly leave but when she comes back, she would fit back into her life as if they are meant to be.

 

And Minji has to constantly worry about how Siyeon would slip off her grip any time. Except that this time, maybe, just maybe, she thinks that she will be able to find the courage to love the woman again like how she did before and the woman will stay in her life the way she wants her to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Year's has always been a joyous occasion - New Year resolutions that were never worked on, alcohol parties, fireworks, countdown... And Minji used to think that it's ironic because of how people think that they are celebrating to a better future when in reality, it's a year closer to death.

 

She never celebrates it because she thinks that it's meaningless.

 

But this year is something different because she has someone by her side and there is a future to look forward to.

 

"Another year is going to pass, Minji."

 

"Yeah," Minji lets out a soft smile as she watches Siyeon chucks down a mouthful of alcohol from the bottle in her hand. "We're turning thirty soon." And she does the same, trying to keep up with the other woman's momentum while feeling amazed at the same time at how the woman doesn't even flinch a bit when the alcohol burns down her throat.

 

It is hard to understand how being a good drinker feels like but what she can't understand more is why did she even agree to join Siyeon in the drinking in the first place when she knows that she isn't good at it.

 

They were supposed to be outside, mingling with strangers and indulging in the midnight fun while waiting for the countdown to start. But something about maneuvering her way through the crowd of bodies and having loud music blasting in her ears put Minji off. Perhaps it is because she is older now or perhaps the recent years of non-stop working has taken a toll on her health, she runs out of energy and gets tired easily. In any way, she isn't interested in wasting a night away on things that she knows she wouldn't enjoy.

 

Because why would she when she has Siyeon here sitting right next to her?

 

"Time passes by really fast huh," Siyeon says as she wipes away the spilled alcohol that has stained the corner of her mouth. "How long have we known each other for?" And the end of her brows knit together, "Ten years? Has it been ten years already?"

 

Minji makes a quick mental calculation and shakes her head, "No, not yet." It's close though. Very close. And it somehow surprises her too. "It should be nine years, I think? And another nine months to be exact."

 

"Oh, we're almost there."

 

"Uh huh."

 

"But hey, we're approaching a decade!"

 

"Tsk," Minji rolls her eyes and scoffs at the sudden excitement that lights up on Siyeon's face. "Isn't a decade and ten years the same thing?"

 

"I don't know," Siyeon gives a shrug on her shoulders. "A decade sounds more meaningful like an achievement unlocked, you know, like we've reached a milestone." And she hugs her knees closer to her chest before laying her head on its side, turning face to face with Minji. "Don't you think so?"

 

Then, the familiar sheepish grin shows up on Siyeon's face that doesn't quite match with the chicness that has become apparent over the years, especially when she has lost a significant amount of baby fats around her cheeks.

 

All the curves. All the edges. The merciless years have surprisingly served her well.

 

But Minji is still glad, and she is relieved because ten years later, or a decade later, whatever it is, she doesn't really care. All she knows is that Siyeon is still Siyeon. No matter how much she has changed, she is still the same girl who has brought so much trouble into her life and yet, still manages to make her feel like the most blissful woman in the universe with a single smile.

 

"You know what, Lee Siyeon?" Minji bites onto her lips. "Ten years," And she stares at Siyeon with a prideful grin. "Can you believe it? We actually made it to ten years. I swear you really have a lot to thank me for."

 

"I thought so. Then why are you still here anyway?"

 

"That's the thing. I hate it so much that even after ten years, I still can't get rid of you," Minji says and a deep sigh follows immediately after, one that carries the most truthful feeling from the deepest part of her heart that she wasn't able to show before.

 

"Mmm..."

 

"Won't you tell me, Lee Siyeon? Why is it so hard to get rid of you?"

 

The question seems to have perked Siyeon's interest as she swings the bottle in her hand without letting go of the smug grin on her face. "That's easy. Because I am attractive? And maybe because... I am lovable?"

 

And Minji can't help but chuckles, "I think you're a parasite."

 

"A cute one, right?"

 

"No, an annoying one."

 

Siyeon only makes a face as she pushes her lazy body towards Minji who is now looking towards the sky, accompanied by the sound of the bottle dragging across the carpet that they are sitting in. Then, Minji feels a palm pressing down onto her shoulder and the next moment she knows, she finds a finger poking into her cheek... with Siyeon and her silly grin right in her sight.

 

Out of nowhere, the woman bursts into laughter and so does Minji. She isn't even sure what is so funny about it but seeing the red on the other's cheeks, Siyeon is definitely close to being wasted.

 

"Oh my god, you're so lame!" Minji says with a look of despise.

 

And Siyeon nods, which only makes her laugh more, "I know right?"

 

Whatever Siyeon is doing right now, it must be the alcohol. Yes, it must be that.

 

As the laughter disperses, Minji feels an arm circling around hers and grabbing onto her hand to lace their fingers together, and Siyeon's head settles onto her shoulders. The warmth sings familiarity and everything feels right where they are in.

 

The strands of hair tickles as Siyeon nuzzles her face against the nape of her neck, "If you can't get rid of me, then you should just stop fighting what fate has planned for us. Isn't it easier to just let me stay by your side?" And Minji tries not to let the warm breath that is hitting onto her neck gets into her head. "I can stay with you till forever."

 

"Forever is a long time," Minji says.

 

"I know but if it's with you, I think I can do it."

 

_If it's with you, I think I can do it._

 

Minji isn't sure but she thinks that she might be drunk when she hears those words.Or maybe it's because she is getting sleepy that her mind is starting to make up things. So, she shakes her head trying to get out of the drowsiness but it only gets worse.  _If it's with you... if it's with you..._ Her head spins and the words keep repeating in her head like a mantra. And she isn't ashamed to admit that she actually likes it.

 

Perhaps Siyeon really did say that.

 

The night is getting deeper and deeper and as silence takes over, Minji continues to drink and drink and drink when she sees Siyeon doing the same. She doesn't know how much time has passed since the alcohol finally runs out but the both of them must have passed out for quite some times already.

 

Minji wakes up to the sound of the tv that they have ditched earlier on. And she gets startled when the two empty bottles that were being tossed onto the carpet knock against each other with a loud clink when she kicks it by accident. But a smile of relief finds its way onto her face when she feels the other presence stirring against her shoulders.

 

"Urg, how long were we out for?" The hoarse voice grunts.

 

Minji looks up at the clock instinctively-

 

_11:56 pm._

 

"I don't know. Just in time for the firework, I guess?"

 

Siyeon lets out a long yawn as she rubs her eyes, trying to get out of the haziness but the moment her gaze meets Minji's, the remaining sleepiness melts into a smile and she finds herself leaning in again for a cuddle, "You're so, so comfortable, Minji."

 

"My shoulders weren't though," Minji grumbles.

 

And Siyeon immediately pulls her in into a tighter hug and rubs her palm against her sore shoulders which only fuels the rapid thumping of her heart, "Mmm... I'm sure they don't mind, right?"

 

A just-woken-up Siyeon is so full of affections but Minji can get used to it. 

 

"What do you think, Lee Siyeon? Just so you know, they are not as understanding as me."

 

Siyeon giggles, "Oh yeah? Is that so?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

The weight on her shoulders shifts a little and Minji turns around to find Siyeon staring at her with the pair of glistening eyes, so clear and so glossy that it feels like they are screaming for attention, and Minji doesn't know why but she feels herself getting lost in them. Are they abyss? Even if they are, she is a willing participant and she is diving straight into them.

 

"Stop staring," Minji reverts her gaze away first.

 

"Why not? Have I told you that you look really beautiful tonight?"

 

Minji wants to laugh at the obvious flirting. Even though many people had said the same thing to her, she doesn't think the same. The world is so big and there are many more others who are prettier than her. Who is she to be called beautiful? But somehow, when those words are said by Siyeon, she actually doesn't mind being the owner of them.

 

"No, you haven't," Minji plays along anyway.

 

"Then you hear it now."

 

Minji chuckles as she hides her face away behind her palms, feeling embarrassed and yet amused at the same time, "You are really ridiculous, Lee Siyeon."

 

"But you still love me."

 

"Maybe it was a mistake."

 

"And maybe it wasn't."

 

And Minji doesn't know where she has gotten the courage from when she laces their fingers and collides their foreheads together, "Guess what? I think you may be right."

 

There is a moment of silence as the two woman sits under the starless sky while exchanging knowing glances, both staring hard, occasionally accompanied by a raised brow and a smirk, as if they are challenging each other to initiate the first move while trying to see through their thoughts.

 

Then, a sudden wave of screeching screams jolts them apart.

 

Minji doesn't know where the voices come from, whether they are from the tv or outside, it doesn't matter. What really matters is the warm hand that has somehow made its way up to cup her cheek and the fingers that are brushing across her skin. They are too close. But if the woman wants to get closer... she thinks that she won't mind too.

 

Then, Minji sees the pair of eyes that has landed on her lips. And she does the same.

 

"Everyone, are you ready? Let's start the countdown together in-,"

 

"Ten..."

 

"Nine..."

 

"Eight..."

 

"I'm going to do something weird, Minji," Siyeon speaks, letting the words fade into the vanishing distance between them.

 

"Seven..."

 

"Six..."

 

"Five..."

 

"Four..."

 

And Minji's eyes flicker in anticipation, "Then do it."

 

"Three..."

 

"Two..."

 

"One..."

 

"Happy New Year!"

 

A set of fireworks soar high up into the sky of darkness, followed immediately by another one, and another one, and another one. One after another, the fire bursts into sparkles of colours and explodes right in front of their eyes.

 

Red, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange... The sky is lit up with shades of rainbow but Minji doesn't think that any of them is enough to convey the overwhelming emotions inside her. So, she says nothing and just watches in awe as the smoke burns and burns and burns just like the fire that wouldn't stop enkindle in her heart.

 

And she won't let it stop this time.

 

"It's beautiful," Minji lets out a gasp.

 

Another set of firework sets off into the sky.

 

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers beside her. "It is beautiful indeed." And when Minji turns around, her eyes fall onto the gaze that never once left hers. They smile, "But you're still the most beautiful, Minji ah."

 

"..."

 

And then, another set of firework echoes in their ears again.

 

The stranger lips lean in closer, once, twice and thrice and then Siyeon takes her lips completely like it's the most natural thing to do. At first, Minji blanks out as she doesn't know what to do, her mind locked away in a canvas of white. Because she hasn't had much experience in love matters, let alone kissing someone, and it's with a woman this time, with her best friend, with someone who she has been fallen deeply in love with unknowingly since the day she moved into the dorm and injured her toe when she carelessly dropped the bag of clothes in her hand.

 

Lee Siyeon-

 

She tastes like the soju that they had just now, like the bittersweet first love that she hasn't been able to let go for years, like her destinied other half that she is willing to spend the rest of her life with.

 

_Is this real?_

 

 _What if_ it's a joke...?

 _What if_ it's just a dream...?

 

And at any time, Minji will wake up and descend back into reality. Because 'happily ever after' is a lie after all; it only exists in dreams that will never cross foot into her path.

 

But when Siyeon begins to pull away at the lack of response, her pupils shivering with doubts and disappointment, and the warmth that just invaded her is about to dissipate, Minji doesn't hesitate to catch those lips back onto hers again.

 

Because _fuck_ those _what ifs._

 

Ten years.

 

Minji has waited for a whole of ten years just to know how Siyeon's lips taste like; they have wasted too much time running around in circles and she doesn't want to let an opportunity like this go away that easily.

 

Nothing in life is easy - growing up wasn't easy, neither was waiting for someone who doesn't love her back the same way easy.

 

Even so, for Siyeon, Minji is willing to believe in fairytales.

 

Their lips clash in a rough manner, their noses bump onto each other's clumsily, bursting into a lump of wetness and messiness, and the pair of free hands lifts to cup the other's cheeks eagerly before sliding down to the back of her neck to bring them closer, as if Siyeon will slip past her grip if Minji doesn't hold onto her tightly.

 

"Mmm..."

 

The cold hands travel down onto Minji's back and she nibbles onto Siyeon's bottom lip in return to silence the muffled moans and the arching body that is desperately yearning for her attention, in which the other seems to comply willingly.

 

Lust fills the suffocating air.

 

Everything is just too hot, too wet and too sexy.

 

So, Minji only continues to let their lips dance around each other as they hold each other close to themselves and roam their hands freely along their bodies, allowing their feelings to guide them to wherever they want to go to. And the remaining doubts drown into the pleasure that each and every touch is emitting.

 

"Minji-,"

 

It feels good to be wanted and needed.

 

But it feels even better to be loved.

 

"Shh," Minji drags her tongue down her collarbone and dips her hand into the shirt before going back up to reclaim the lips that belong to her. "Don't say anything."

 

The crowd outside continues to cheer and tv continues to play in the background. And they continue to kiss, and kiss and kiss for a very long time, as if all the time in the world has frozen and they have entered an alternate universe where only the two of them exist.

 

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

 

They only pull away from each other when the dizziness finally sets in.

 

And between the hastened breath and the cheeks flushed with red, Minji only keeps staring at the woman under her, her gaze shifting back and forth between the dishevelled hair and the smudged lipstick marks that have coloured Siyeon's lips with a new shade of red.

 

Somehow, Siyeon has ended up on the floor with Minji hovering over her, the top few buttons of her shirt were popped open, and the latter's hand had riden well past her mid-riff just below her clothed chest.

 

"Wha-," Minji struggles to keep up with her thoughts as the awkward position invades her sight, and she suddenly feeling conscious about what they had just done. 

 

"Pfft-,"

 

Strings of giggles fill her ears as Siyeon laughs and laughs, her body shaking vigorously along with the rhythm of her laughter, and it brings Minji back to reality as she removes her sinful hand and watches on in disbelief while brushing her tongue across her lips, savouring the lingering taste of Siyeon.

 

_This... this is real-_

_Did she-_

_Did they just-_

 

"Holy shit!" Minji let out a yelp and blinks repeatedly. "We-," And she rolls over and drops her body down onto the floor beside Siyeon while covering her mouth, trying to suppress the escaping laughter. "Oh my god!"

 

"I didn't know you're that wild, Minji."

 

And Minji quickly turns away and hides the blushes behind her palms. This is so, so embarrassing, "Shut up, Lee Siyeon! Just shut up!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the end of winter, Siyeon has moved in together with Minji after the contract with the apartment that she has rented ends. As much as sharing an apartment with someone else isn't Minji's preferred way of living, seeing cartons after cartons filling up the empty spaces in the house, she thinks that perhaps it isn't a bad thing.

 

Learning to accomodate another one's flaw and learning to accomodate another being into her safety nest - it feels like love.

 

And waking up to Siyeon's morning face beside her - it feels like home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You haven't told me. Why did you break up with Bora?" Minji asks one night when she can't sleep. And she has to blame it on Siyeon who had insisted on watching a horror film at such a late hour.

 

"Do you really have to know?"

 

"Yeah," Minji lets out a chuckle. "Because you promised to tell me everything."

 

The bed creaks and Minji watches with anticipation as the other occupant turns onto her side to face her while grinning sheepishly, "How about you tell me yours first?" And she leans closer until their noses almost touch. "Why did you stop going out with Lee Minhyuk? You said he is a nice guy."

 

"He isn't the right one for me."

 

"Oh yeah?"

 

"Yeah. Or maybe..." Minji lets the last word lingers a little longer as she mirrors Siyeon's smiling eyes. Her heart almost burst at the distance between them. And her gaze can't help but keep on falling onto the rosy lips. She is beautiful. Everything about her is beautiful. "Maybe because he isn't you."

 

"Mmm," Siyeon seems satisfied with the answer.

 

Minji nudges the woman who is too engrossed in her own world, still smiling as she makes sure that her gaze stays on hers, "What about you? Don't act like you don't have to answer the question."

 

"I guess... it was because she wasn't you too?"

 

"Ohh.."

 

And they lean in teasingly as their nose brushes against each other before closing the distance completely while giggling, except that this time they're both sober.

 

Everything feels so right.

 

So perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daejeon changes a lot.

 

In that year that Minji left her hometown to Seoul for college, the ice cream truck that she had always frequent by the roadside after school with her friends was still there, the _ahjussi_ in the provision shop who would always chase the kids out for loitering in his shop for too long would still treat her to a candy when she passed by and the rows of eateries down the street, where the _ahjummas_  would always greet her a 'good morning' whenever her bicycle rang down the road were still opened for business.

 

But all of those are gone now. 

 

In the cab back home, she has also noticed many things in the bustling city that she hasn't seen before. More foreigners, more cafes and bars, more tall buildings and including the new subway line that is being worked on at the moment.

 

Yet, the whole neighbourhood has become a lot quieter.

 

"I'm back, mum!" Minji announces her entrance as she slams the door  shut behind her because the old mechanism sometimes wouldn't lock itself properly unless they apply more force.

 

"Oh, Minji, have you eaten yet?"

 

"Yeah, I've already eaten a bento set on the way here," Minji says as she removes her coat and plops herself conveniently onto the couch. And she let out a satisfying grin. It's still the couch that she has grown up lazing on that feels the most comfortable. She won't mind even if she has to sleep on it for the whole her time here.

 

"Are you still hungry?" 

 

"Mmm, not really," Minji frowns as she reaches her hand into her shirt to rub her stomach, showing off her fullness. But when her mum turns away, the slight disappointment showing up with the slouching back, she quickly changes her mind. "Actually... I might be a bit hungry. Can you cook me some noodles, mum?" 

 

A long sigh echoes from the kitchen, followed by another sigh, and another sigh. Then, Minji sees her mum opening the fridge, "Aish, already a grown up and you still need your mum to settle your meal." 

 

Minji chuckles when she catches the ironic satisfaction and pride in her tone. Her mum isn't really good at hiding her true emotions.

 

"Because I miss your cooking, mum." 

 

"That’s why I say, home-cooked food is always the best."

 

Minji nods along, "Of course, of course." 

 

When Minji finally finishes the bowl of noodles filled with an egg and some fishcakes which she didn’t ask for, strings of snores reach her ears and she finds her mum asleep on the rocking chair, swaying with the laziness of the serene afternoon while the drama on the tv is still running.  

 

And Minji does the same.  

 

Her dad returns from work around eight, a little later after dinner time but fornately, they did save some dishes for him. And Minju returns during the mid-week, in which they pay a visit to their grandparents’ grave together on the same day.  

 

The rest of the week is spent on touring nearby parks, temples and shopping malls but most of the time, they are just staying in the house and doing nothing except for using their phones.

 

"If you girls are busy, you don't have to visit us that often," Her dad says one day when they are having dinner, his low voice trembles against the dining table.

 

Minji frowns with displeasure, "Dad, if you say that, I'm really not going to come back the next time."

 

"Then, don't. We old folks can take care of ourselves." 

 

"I finally came all the way back home after one year and yet, you're chasing me out. I'm so sad," Minji pouts and _pretends_ to be hurt (she is really hurt even though she knows that her dad didn't mean it that way).

 

" _Aish_ ," Her mum let out the usual long sigh as she stuff her mouth with full of food. "If the children wants to come back, just let them come back. Who knows how many more times can they get to see us for?"

 

"Remember Minju told us that Minji's new boss is difficult to deal with? I don't want our daughter to get into trouble because of us."

 

Minji immediately sends Minju a glare and the latter mouths a quick _'What?',_ trying to shake the responsibility off her shoulders. _Big mouth_ , she clearly told her not to tell anything to mum and dad.

 

But she feels even more sorry when she sees the wrinkles on her their faces, knowing that apart from ageing, they also deepen because of the constant worries for Minju and herself.

 

"Don't worry, mum and dad," Minji reassures them. "Didn't you always say that I'm a grown up now? I know how to handle my own matters."

 

"Mmm, of course, you're my daughter after all," Her dad says.

 

"Yeah,  _right_ ," Her mum barges into the conversation abruptly. "Of all the good in you, she takes after your workaholic personality. It's all your fault."

 

And Minji only shakes her head and chuckles.

 

The dinner affair turns quiet as they delve into their own bowls. Some things never change. Her mum still like to cook too much food.

 

“By the way, I drove a fortune-teller in my cab this morning and he told me that I will gain another family member this year,” Her dad breaks the silence when he finishes his portion.

 

“Well, that’s certainly not going to be me,” Minju disconcerns herself with the subject at the first moment and leaves the dining table. 

 

“Of course it’s not going to be you,” Her mum sings along and turns to Minji with a mystified grin. And her dad's curious gaze follows along. “So, how is that Minhyuk guy that you have been going out with? Will I be expecting a grandson soon?”

 

And for the first time, Minji doesn't have any answers for them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A fish needs water to breathe; a fire needs oxygen to burn; a princess needs her prince charming to write a happy ending.

 

And as for Minji... she thinks that she needs a world with Siyeon in it to be complete.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are many things that Minji has to be thankful for - the perfect and yet imperfect family that her parents had given her, all the people who have appeared in her life, whether they are friends who have grown up with her or passers-by who no longer have anything to do with her life, and most importantly... the choices that she has made all by herself.

 

Eighteen was a magical age.

 

Being eighteen was too old to be deemed a teenager and also too young and inexperienced to be an adult. In the end, they were forced to be condemed into a grey area where there were no place of comfort to return to.

 

"I used to be afraid," Siyeon admits suddenly.

 

They just had a nice dinner together at their usual hangout and Minji thought that it's weird when Siyeon insisted on ditching the bus and walking home instead.  Their intertwining shadows grow longer with the street light. The road to home remains long and quiet. But she doesn't mind a bit. As long as it's with Siyeon. 

 

"About what?"

 

"I don't know," Siyeon shrugs. "Maybe about grades, about not knowing what I want in life, about falling in love and getting hurt... about everything."

 

"Mmm..."

 

"Are you going to laugh at me?"

 

Minji chuckles and shakes her head, her eyes twinkle with a glint of happiness as their hands unknowingly find their way onto each other's in this harsh world, "We were all young and dumb."

 

But all the meetings, all the farewells and all the reunions, they're no coincidences.

 

Living together with Siyeon as roommates was a choice; helping Siyeon take down lecture notes and covering up for her absence was a choice; burying her feelings for Siyeon and staying by her side as a best friend was a choice; forgiving and accepting Siyeon back into her life was a choice; kissing Siyeon was a choice and now, picking up the courage to love Siyeon all over again is also a choice. 

 

They've made it this far and Minji wants to live a life properly where she wouldn't regret the choices that she has made along the way.

 

"Can I tell you something?" Minji asks, her voice trembles against the wind and the little boldness almost vanishes into the sound of the passing cars.

 

"Go ahead."

 

They halt their steps when they arrive at the beginning of the traffic junction. The green light at the other end of the road lights up, the street light continues to shine and Siyeon doesn't let go of their hands.

 

But still, Minji hesitates.

 

"You can tell me anything, Minji. I will always listen."

 

And when Minji lifts her head up, she finds Siyeon staring at her with a smile, so determined and assuring, as if she is telling her that - 

 

_It will be okay._

_Everything will be fine._

_I will be right here with you._

 

And Minji would gladly believe so.

 

"I'm gay," She finally let out. 

 

The air stiffens for moment as none of them speaks. All is silence except for the deep breaths of uneasiness that has escaped into the thin air.

 

Minji expected anger; she expected disappointment and she expected confrontation that she would have felt but none of the reactions that she had imagined come true.

 

Instead, what comes after is the same smile that remains unmoved on Siyeon's face.

 

"I know," Siyeon says.

 

"And I love you," Minji confesses in the midst of all the lingering doubts before her fickle mind changes.

 

"I know that too."

 

"And...?"

 

Their lips collide, so slow and so gentle. There isn't a need to rush and there isn't a need to prove that one loves the other more. Because they have all the time in the world to do that if they want to. And Minji gives in easily this time, letting herself go as she allows Siyeon to take her to everywhere she feels like. 

 

And when they finally pulls away, Minji sees herself in Siyeon's eyes, clearly and thoroughly, that's when she realises that nothing else really matters anymore.

 

"And I love you too."

 

If dreams were easy to reach, they wouldn't be called dreams; if love can be explained, there wouldn't be anyone getting hurt because of it.

 

And if there's an answer to every question in the world, there wouldn't be people losing their way along the aimless journey.

 

So, one day, along the way, Minji finally stops searching for answers. Instead, she learns to accept the way things are - her fear for the future, her feelings for Siyeon and for who she truly is.

 

Because if one is meant to stay in her life, he or she will always make an effort to be there by her side no matter what happens.

 

And this time, she is certain about who she wants to be with her for the rest of the life.

 

Through the years, they loved, quarreled, fought and even did foolish things that hurt each other.

 

But at the end of the day, they are still the one who will mend each other's wound and show the world how much they're worth loving and living for.

 

Just like how those glistening stars during countless nights of insomnia would always lead her back to the thought of Siyeon.

 

She once thought that it was fate but now, she thinks that it is more of a choice.

 

Minji was there since the beginning and now, Siyeon will be here together with her to write the continuation of their story - 

 

_Counting Stars With You._

 

_\- Fin -_


End file.
